The Perfect Day!!!

Perfect, meaning whole or complete... a day filled with a plethora of emotion. Pangs of sorrow and feelings of loss so deep they penetrated my whole soul... but without the sorrow I would not fully understand or appreciate the joy. Had I never experienced bitter tears or saddness, grief or seperation I would have no frame of reference to know love, peace, joy or eternal life.

Strength...
If I were to have torn a page from the perfect day it would be adorned with these faces, these emotions and the stories that go along with each. The following picture is me with my sister-in-law Laurel and personifies strength. Pure, unadulterated strength. A strength that we have attained as we consistently fought back against the pressures, pains and losses of the past few years.

Solidarity...
There is nothing better in the world than a true friend. Someone who sees you for who you really are and still loves you. A true friend does not reinforce you in your weakness; rather, inspires in you a greater desire to come unto Christ, and by Him be enabled to cultivate greater faith, hope and charity. (Ether 12:27-27) Each person in this picture has increased my joy and laughter and love for life. And yes...even made me love Texas...or at least Texans ;)


Family...
A group of people you walk with through life and learn more with and from than anyone else. Our family has faced innumerable trials together, but I can honestly say that through it all, and possibly even because of it all, I have come to appreciate certain things about each one of them. We are very diverse--from religious views, to opinions on life--we cover just about every span of the spectrum, but I love each person in my family. I know that we have each dealt with opposition in very different ways, but today we came together and took steps toward healing relationships and over-looking differences of opinion. I love my family and appreciated so much them being there with me; afterall, what would forever be like without those we love the most?

Service...
So many of the people that came out to support were motivated by love and selfless service. There were people from every phase of my life...the neighborhood I grew up in, BHS, mission companions, people from Washington, friends from Florida, from UCMT, from BYU, roommates, a girl I met at the gym, and even people from the BYU student ward I have lived in for 2 weeks! I can probably never repay them for their kindness this week, but I promise to try everyday to be better than the day before, and incorporate their example into my actions and treat others with the compassion they have shown me.

Life truly is beautiful. Whether it be in the faces of those around me, or the beauty of a sunrise, or the emotions that well in my heart when I see another suffer and long for them to find comfort--the hand of God is revealed so personally and privately to me each day that I know he knows who I am and that through Him, each day can be complete--until that great day when we shall see Him and be like Him and as such shall know a fullness of joy!

Bringing Suicide Out of the Darkness One Step at a Time!!!

Please join with us this Saturday at Wheeler Farm (6351 S. 900 E.) in Salt Lake City as we take steps to bring suicide and mental illness out of the darkness.

Thank you to all of you that have supported me in my service for The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP) and especially for helping us here. It has been rather frustrating to see how many people think that this is not a problem here in Utah, and for those that have not personally felt the pain of losing a loved one to suicide it may not be--but suicide is the 4th leading cause of death in the US (ages 18-65) and 3rd among teens and young adults. And Sadly Utah ranks in the top 10 on all polls for deaths by suicide.

Out of Darkness 20mi. Overnight NYC 2007

Out of Darkness 5k Boca Raton, FL 2007

Out of Darkness 5k Miami, FL 2007

I really appreciate my family joining with me this year--I know that everyone mourns the loss of a loved one differently, and that we are all very busy, so it makes me appreciate my mom, Matt, Laurie & the girls, Brad, Abby & Mo...and the many other family members that are coming out to support. Thanks to friends, roommates, mission companions, ward members, corporations, teachers, classmates, clients & everyone of you that has given me the strength to put one foot in front of the other. Thank you to newpapers, television, radio, civic and religious people who are contributing--this event would not happen without each of you.

And a particular thanks to Lori Pagel, my good friend, example and walk co-ordinator--THANK YOU!!! I appreciate so much your friendship and dedication to helping people. As I was talking with Lori this evening, everything is on track for the event Saturday, and I have to admit a part of my heart just feels broken--This is not a cause I ever would have chosen--this is not a cause I ever wanted to know the need for--I would much rather have spent hours each week with my brother Scott. I miss him very much. I don't know that I can say the pain has lessened, but I have been enabled by God, greater faith, and resources and love from those around me to live with the pain--and for that I am grateful. My hope is that as resources are created for people struggling with depression that fewer people will know the pain of losing a loved one to suicide and that for those who have lost a loved one, or may lose a loved one--they may find hope, peace and resources along the excrutiatingly painful journey they will walk.

Scott, I miss your sense of humor. This picture was cropped from one taken of me, Brad & Scott @ dinner one night--and the reason Scott is smiling so big is because he grabbed Brad's thigh in the picture to make him laugh...
Scott, I miss the big fish you'd catch--this one in particular caught him the record for the largest tiger muskie in the state of Utah--and I ended up answering a guy to a dance with it... thanks bro :)
And I miss Lake Powell with you. I have only gone once since you died--and that was to celebrate Sydney's birthday...but it just wasn't the same. Maybe someday my love of that lake will return...but I have realized it was more the good memories and the people I loved that were there with me. All this work is for you Scottie! I LOVE YOU!!!