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Thursday, November 22, 2007

'Mourning was turned into thanksgiving...'

Some of you may recognize this thought as being from a book about Jesus Christ. Just before Christ visited the people on the ancient American continent in chapter 11 of 3 Nephi... there is a vast separation between those who chose righteousness and those who chose wickedness. The voice of Christ comes and says that if [we] repent and return unto [him] with full purpose of heart that He will be there to receive us, "but if not, O house of Israel, the places of your dwellings shall become desolate until the time of the fulfilling of the covenant to your fathers. And now it came to pass that after the people had heard these words, behold, they began to weep and howl again because of the loss of their kindred and friends."

I trust that Christ is aware of us in our most difficult moments. He knows when I feel alone. He knows when I miss my brother. He is aware of how hard it is to build a life different than I had growing up. He is there for me when I am weeping...when I wish to rejoice but I am sad that those that I love cannot be here with me... all of these insights help me better appreciate these next verses:

"And it came to pass that thus did the three days pass away. And it was in the morning, and the darkness dispersed from off the face of the land, and the earth did cease to tremble, and the rocks did cease to rend, and the dreadful groanings did cease, and all the tumultuous noises did pass away. And the earth did cleave together again, that it stood; and the mourning, and the weeping, and the wailing of the people who were spared alive did cease; and their mourning was turned into joy, and their lamentations into the praise and the thanksgiving unto the Lord Jesus Christ, their Redeemer."

I woke up this morning and was sad. Holidays bring very mixed emotions. I miss my brothers. I miss my nieces and nephews. I just felt alone. But I got up. I took the dog for a run came home and made apple pie and just prayed constantly that I could put one foot in front of the other and feel something other than sadness. There was still sadness. Many memories flooding over me of past Thanksgivings, birthdays, times spent with loved ones now gone... but there was also great joy.

I had decided to do nothing. Even getting up this morning I was trying to come up with a way to avoid everyone and get out of any celebration... but I felt compelled to make the apple pie and go to the Angelos' home. They are the greatest family ever. If you ever want to feel loved--have the perfect dinner with the most genuine company and spend and ideal day... this is the place.

Their dad is our bishop--a great man. He shared a David Letterman top 10 ways to know if you've eaten too much list...then the following from President Bush:

Thanksgiving Day 2007 Proclamation by President Bush

Americans are a grateful people, ever mindful of the many ways we have been blessed. On Thanksgiving Day, we lift our hearts in gratitude for the freedoms we enjoy, the people we love, and the gifts of our prosperous land.

Our country was founded by men and women who realized their dependence on God and were humbled by His providence and grace. The early explorers and settlers who arrived in this land gave thanks for God's protection and for the extraordinary natural abundance they found. Since the first National Day of Thanksgiving was proclaimed by President George Washington, Americans have come together to offer thanks for our many blessings. We recall the great privilege it is to live in a land where freedom is the right of every person and where all can pursue their dreams. We express our deep appreciation for the sacrifices of the honorable men and women in uniform who defend liberty. As they work to advance the cause of freedom, our Nation keeps these brave individuals and their families in our thoughts, and we pray for their safe return.

While Thanksgiving is a time to gather in a spirit of gratitude with family, friends, and neighbors, it is also an opportunity to serve others and to share our blessings with those in need. By answering the universal call to love a neighbor as we want to be loved ourselves, we make our Nation a more hopeful and caring place.

This Thanksgiving, may we reflect upon the past year with gratefulness and look toward the future with hope. Let us give thanks for all we have been given and ask God to continue to bless our families and our Nation.

NOW, THEREFORE, I, GEORGE W. BUSH, President of the United States of America, by virtue of the authority vested in me by the Constitution and laws of the United States, do hereby proclaim Thursday, November 22, 2007, as a National Day of Thanksgiving. I encourage all Americans to gather together in their homes and places of worship with family, friends, and loved ones to reinforce the ties that bind us and give thanks for the freedoms and many blessings we enjoy.

IN WITNESS WHEREOF, I have hereunto set my hand this fifteenth day of November, in the year of our Lord two thousand seven, and of the Independence of the United States of America the two hundred and thirty-second.

GEORGE W. BUSH


The missionaries were there. A family in the ward who has no family here. And all but one of their kids--who is at BYU. You couldn't have asked for a better meal. Kristen, the mom, gave us little 'life's blessing bags' that Abbie had filled with kisses, nuts, and other candy--the sweet with the salty--some that you like and others that you don't prefer--tasting the salt on the m&m to remind you that you take the good with the bad... and with it came a greater appreciation of the good. I couldn't help but be grateful.

As I ran with the dog this morning, I was trying not to feel alone and feel sorry for myself and I focused on all that I do have...I am so grateful for my health. It was less than 3 years ago that I didn't have full function of all my organs and was so sick I couldn't eat anything. God is merciful. Healing is real. I am so grateful for enduring friendships--the kind that span over years and oceans and phases in life. For the sweet and funny texts and picture messages from loved ones.

For a phone call from my oldest brother--who is not a phone talker--makes me cry just thinking about how much I love him and how much his call meant. Speaking to my mother today. Although we've had our familial ups and downs, I love her very much.

For the great day we had--from sitting in the hot tub speaking of life's wisdom to having my hair braided and my makeup done *don't worry pictures to come ;)

It was a wonderful day. I hold to the hope that as the days continue to come... the memories will continue to get sweeter...or a little less painful.

I pray that everyone, everywhere found some reason for prayer and thanksgiving. I pray for all those that are lonely and sick or afflicted that they will find God and the peace that only He can bring. I pray for all those that sacrifice so I can be where I am today. I pray for the day when I can see my brother again and embrace like the day his baby girl was born--surrounded in pure joy. I pray for those that I love that have yet to accept God and his love. I pray that the spirit of Thanksgiving will remain with me as I continually cultivate an attitude of gratitude and a willingness to give and to serve. I pray that everyday I will see more reasons to thank God and that little by little my mourning will continue to turn to thanksgiving.

'Count your blessings...Name them one by one...'

Monday, November 19, 2007

I even learned to sew for this one...


Old Man Bodard...

Just for the record... I am not a table top tree.

Tree Hugger.

Sunrise Miami



This was taken Just before our 5k in Miami--AMany thanks to each of you for your love and support it was a great success! Both Boca Raton & Miami went wonderfully well!

Cutest Little Halloweeners Ever!!!


I love my little Buckeyes!!!

So Jon took me to the Gators opener and they gave us these gator fans--I sent them to my favorite little OSU fans--in part to be funny and in part because they love gators--not the gators--gators :) the following was the result...

Tuesday, October 2, 2007

...weep for the loss of them that die

"Thou shalt live together in love, insomuch that thou shalt weep for the loss of them that die..." [section 43 verse 45 from the Doctrine & Covenants of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints]

This thought has persisted on my mind all day. Today was a sad day, but one with many good things that happened, and a lot of opportunity to grow, reflect & ponder.

A lot of events have transpired in my life and the lives of those around me that have caused my mind to be drawn up often in thought of God, Christ, the Holy Ghost, and also those we love that have left this mortal life. And today especially--to think of my brother Scott who died last year.

Today makes 15 months without him. 638 days. 15,326 hours. 919560 minutes.

I came home from a meeting tonight just after 9:00p, talked to a good friend from BYU, then trying to persuade myself to go to sleep...I got ready for bed. My heart was filled with sorrow and I just didn't want to think about it...

By now my screen saver had begun to send pictures across my screen that was still on at the foot of my bed... pictures of Scott's kids... I couldn't remain numb any longer. I began to weep. Some of them joyous memories, others just pulling at the void in my heart because I have only seen them for 4 days this year. I used to spend such a huge amount of time with them--they will always remain in my heart.

So, feeling a little stupid for weeping in my room in silence, I began to pray... the thought came into my mind to live in such a way that we weep for those that die. Knowing there is some doctrine like that I turned to the scriptures...I love the topical guide by the way...

The first scripture of immediate interest containing the word weep was Ecclesiastes chapter 3...then Luke 6:10, and finally D&C 42:45... will finish this later...

But Ecclesiastes gave me hope for that the season to laugh ;)

Friday, September 28, 2007

All In The Attitude...

Tonight was a wonderful night...and I realized one crucial thing... It is all in the attitude. After Tuesday's little accident...there was no where to go BUT UP!!! And way up at that ;)

All my tables were awesome! I had one family offer me a job watching their 2 little girls, 5 & 3. I was asked out by 2 of our servers...and at least 50 times tonight I heard: "hey--Watch Out Ash--Don't Fall!" Yeah...they are funny huh!

All but 3 of the people that I served tonight ordered alcohol...and not just the normal...we're talking "house specialty"..."sweetest dessert wine in stock"..."Manhattan Perfect-up-lemon-side rocks--" WHOA. There were times that I nearly needed them to draw me a picture ;) But the "I don't drink...I just moved here from Salt Lake City..." always was a nice lead into them saying--there is definitely something different about you...and we like it ;)

Missionary work on the job!!! I love my life!
I loved feeling a little like a missionary tonight as I biked home--it was a beautiful night to bike and I live so close... Life truly is beautiful!

oh, and if you know of anyone that wants to read the blog that I didn't think to e-mail that reads...just send me an e-mail and I will add them on...I may go back public...we'll see ;)

Thursday, September 27, 2007

A Lil' Something Beautiful!

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

A Lil' Accident @ Work...

OK, OK, Ok already...for those of you that would like to know about this little accident at work:

I am a server @ Outback...I was trayed up with 4 sirloins, large number of heavy flatware...and apparently there was standing water between the kitchen and the dining room...while running this food for Chris...I hit the water... both feet flew out from under me, took the tray to the head and some where between then and consciousness, one of the broken pieces of china slit the veins in my left wrist, and somehow i wound up with a bruise the size of football from knee to mid calf-- I have matching black and blue tones on my head--but luckily my beautiful hair covers them nicely...

Forty-five minutes and 5 bar towels later I was no longer swimming in my own blood bath. A huge thanks to Rach for coming to pick me up...and to all the servers for helping me rid sirloin and sour cream from every place it doesn't belong.

Sadly I thought yesterday was the worst of it...but waking up this morning i felt worse than having been hit by a truck...OK so maybe not really...but a 100lb weighted blow to the head tends to leave a mark.

And...YES...I am aware of the ironic timing with this being the very day after my renewed commitment to take better care of myself...

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

"are you taking care of yourself???"

In conversation with a good friend last night, this divinely inspired question arose: "are you taking care of yourself???"

Have you ever been asked that?

I haven't.

I didn't even know how to respond.
I knew that it was something I needed to ponder because, initially, it made me mad.

It spurred another intensive moral inventory.

Am I taking care of myself?
What things have I been doing that are good?
What things have I been doing that are less-effective?
Am I balanced, physically, emotionally & spiritually?
Am I as Christ-centered as I want/need to be?
How is my personal communication with my Heavenly Father?

While pondering this topic, I came across the talk entitled "How is it With Us?" By Elder Ballard, referencing Lorenzo Snow's original inquiry to the early saints.

He states, "The Lord expects that we will do something. But what? What is it that needs our personal attention?" Elder Ballard goes on to say, "It appears to me that the most important thing everyone of us can do is to examine our own commitment & devotion to the Lord Jesus Christ. We must carefully guard against spiritual apathy & work to maintain the full measure of our loving loyalty to the Lord."

Even when we are so busy with meetings and service and lessons, is it possible that we suffer from spiritual apathy?

This made me think of a talk by Elder Wirthlin where he expressed "fear that some members of the Lord’s Church 'live far beneath our privileges' with regard to the gift of the Holy Ghost. Some are distracted by the things of the world that block out the influence of the Holy Ghost, preventing them from recognizing spiritual promptings. This is a noisy and busy world that we live in. Remember that being busy is not necessarily being spiritual. If we are not careful, the things of this world can crowd out the things of the Spirit."

Another thought by Arianne Cope: "I’d been so busy, my spiritual health was battered."

In responding to my friends question I said, "Physically, yes. spiritually, yes. Emotionally, kind of..."

But was that true? And how if our soul consists of both body and spirit can the 3 be compartmentalized? This is something that I thought about long into the night. How can I decrease the business and increase the spirituality in my life? How can I better qualify for the constant companionship of the Holy Ghost? How can I cease to live beneath my privileges?

The first thought that came to mind was how many hours do I spend communicating with God? Do I consistently surrender my will to his? How can I better trust Him?

I think if God, my loving Father in Heaven spoke to me yesterday, he would have said something very similar to the words of my friend: "please keep the stress levels down... please! take care of yourself."

This morning I woke up to a letter from a great friend serving God in Hungary, and one in Boise who is about to serve God in Ohio...both spoke truth and reiterated the loving concern God has for me.

How grateful I am that even though I am so far from perfect that God allows me the opportunity to continue to learn and grow and places so many Christ-like individuals in my life. I am grateful that I can start right now by communicating with God and receiving personal guidance from Him.

My Favorite Lil' Faces...




These are 3 of the 400 pics I took on our 7 hour stop-over in Ohio...Oh how I love these kids!!!

Monday, September 24, 2007

Long days caught up to me...

Yesterday was a very long day. Early morning meetings preceded by a wicked late night of preparation for the early morning meetings and the lesson for relief society. Followed by more meetings and 2 friends being baptized... I came home and fell asleep around 3pm...you know...a quick power nap, right?



Well...not so much... I woke up at 5:30...

THE FOLLOWING DAY.


The end.

Thursday, September 20, 2007

Cultivating Consistent Contentment...

Multiple factors last night and today have caused my mind to be drawn up in active contemplation...

The first of which was a thought-provoking conversation with a good friend last night [an aside: I love such friends. I would love to be surrounded all day long with these type friends.] This conversation made me think about where I am in life and where I want to be...long-term goals and the 'grown-up' things of life.

This coupled with the sadness and loss I had been feeling for the few days prior [a residual wave of sorrow from Scott's sudden death last year] to produce numerous feelings of discontentment.

Then, being unable to calm these troubled feelings, I wrote last nights blog of sorrow. I struggle finding the balance between allowing myself to feel [rather than being numb] and being stuck in the pain. Last night I could only see the pain. A good man here once told me that nothing positive comes from focusing on something negative...I have tried to take this imparted wisdom and apply it to my life... but there are sometimes when it is more difficult than others...the past few days for instance...

Last night I longed for contentment. I sought solace. I plead for peace. I was unable to attain it. And thus, today's topic for personal study:

How can I cultivate consistent feelings of contentment amid all the variable factors in my life. Even with the pain and the uncertainties--there must be a way.

http://www.lds.org "Content with the Things Allotted unto Us" Elder Maxwell, May 2000 Ensign. There have been times in my life when I am grounded in correct principles and am 'centered' as I need to be--and I am increasing in my capacity to faithfully remain centered in Christ and not become focused on the peripheral. I highly recommend this article by Elder Maxwell... Some of the points that stood out to me:

"Within what is allotted to us, we can have spiritual contentment. Paul described it as 'godliness with contentment,' signifying the adequate presence of attributes such as love, hope, meekness, patience, and submissiveness (1 Tim. 6:6).

Yet there are other fixed limitations in life. For instance, some have allotments including physical, mental, or geographic constraints. There are those who are unmarried, through no fault of their own, or yearning but childless couples. Still others face persistent and unreconciled relationships within their circles of loved ones...In such and similar situations, there are so many prickly and daily reminders.

Being content means acceptance without self-pity. Meekly borne, however, deprivations such as these can end up being like excavations that make room for greatly enlarged souls."

If all these things really are for my good and my experience... what exactly is the Lord excavating...and what ought I to cultivate to replace such vacated space within my soul. The first thought to come to mind is charity. If I am to pray with all my heart to be filled with charity... I guess I need some renovations done in order to clear some space for it... Just like with my will and timing...sometimes I need a recking ball in order to 'yield' to His will and timing...next thought:

"Thus, developing greater contentment within certain of our existing constraints and opportunities is one of our challenges. Otherwise we may feel underused, underwhelmed, and under appreciated—while, ironically, within our givens are unused opportunities for service all about us. Neither should we pine away, therefore, for certain things outside God’s givens, such as for the powerful voice of an angel, because there is so much to do within what has been allotted to us (see Alma 29:3–4). Furthermore, varied as our allotted circumstances may be, we can still keep the commandments of God!

Meanwhile, we serve as each other’s clinical material in the particular sample of humanity constituting 'what is allotted unto [us].' The sample may shrink or swell, but most important is what we are and what we do within those varied allocations and in the particular “work to which [we] have been called” (Alma 29:6).

Incremental improvement is, therefore, the order of the day, and it clearly requires the accompaniment of the Lord’s long-suffering as we struggle to learn the necessary lessons.

Performance is what matters, not the size of the stage. The Sea of Galilee, only 13 miles by 7, was nevertheless large enough to provide the disciples with a vital experience involving faith and walking on the water (see Matt. 14:22–33). The wind was boisterous and frightening! Even so, compare the size of those Galilean swells and the length of that storm with what Nephi and party had to endure on the vast ocean! (see 1 Ne. 18:13–21). Yet both episodes provided the needed learning experiences.

Life’s necessary defining moments come within our allotments, and we make 'on the record' choices within these allotments. Our responses are what matter. Sufficient unto each life are the tests thereof! (see Matt. 6:34).

Ponder how Jesus was and is the Lord of the universe (see D&C 45:1; D&C 76:24; Moses 1:33; Moses 2:1). Yet His ministry, as we all know, was accomplished in a very tiny geographical space. His ministerial travels were very limited. Yet therein the Savior accomplished the Atonement for all of mankind! There were certainly much more prominent hills than Golgotha and much more resplendent gardens than Gethsemane. No matter; these were sufficient to host the central act of all human history!

We can draw upon that glorious Atonement by repenting. We can learn to serve and to forgive within our sample of humanity

The justice and mercy of God will have been so demonstrably perfect that at the Final Judgment there will be no complaints, including from those who once questioned what God had allotted in the mortal framework (see 2 Ne. 9:14–15; Alma 5:15–19; Alma 12:3–14; Alma 42:23–26, 30).

Hence, we can and 'ought to be content with the things allotted to us,' being circumstantially content but without being self-satisfied and behaviorally content with ourselves (see 3 Ne. 12:48; 3 Ne. 27:27; Matt. 5:48).

Such contentment is more than shoulder-shrugging passivity. It reflects our participative assent rather than uncaring resignation.

The Lord knows our circumstances and the intents of our hearts, and surely the talents and gifts He has given us. He is able to gauge perfectly how we have performed within what is allotted to us, including by lifting up some of the many surrounding hands that hang down. Thus, yearning for expanded opportunities while failing to use those at hand is bad form spiritually.

Therefore, the Lord does not seek to overwhelm us but instead to help us overcome the world! (see D&C 64:2; Rev. 3:21).

Thus, within our allotments we see how the saintly display kindness even within barbed-wire circumstances, yet others have barbed attitudes even within opulence. Meanwhile, the discontented continue to build their own pools of self-pity, some Olympic size.

When spiritually aligned, a poise can come, even when we do not know 'the meaning of all things' (1 Ne. 11:17). Such contented assurance produces not arrogance but quiet acceptance, which is its own form of being 'anxiously engaged' but without all the bells and whistles (D&C 58:27; see also D&C 58:28).

However, this spiritual contentment rests on our accepting the Atonement of Jesus, because we 'have come to a knowledge of the goodness of God, and his matchless power, and his wisdom, and his patience, and his long-suffering towards the children of men; and also, the atonement which has been prepared from the foundation of the world' (Mosiah 4:6).

Again, brothers and sisters, seeing Alma move from wanting to be a 'trump' to being a humble 'instrument' and from wanting to 'shake the earth” to 'perhaps [bringing] some soul to repentance' is a stunning transition! Furthermore, isn’t it wonderful that we are permitted to grow, whether that growth is expressed in the space of nine verses or in a lifetime?"

Ok...there are so many thoughts that were spurred while studying this topic...more that I may dive into in greater detail later...but for now it sufficeth me to say that I have once again been inspired to strive for more constant feelings of contentment with every factor of my life considered. I know that is going to mean even more frequent and fervent communication with God to replace the yearning of my heart, the anxiety in my mind, and the uncertainty of my future.

But in Christ all things are possible...

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Have you ever known loss. Did you ever say goodbye to someone and not know it would be the last time? Did you ever think that paying your respects to a loved one, now gone, would be the hardest part...only to realize as the days and weeks cascade by how sadly mistaken you were...?

Have you ever realized that you don't remember the sound of his voice? The lingering sound of his laughter...no longer dwells in your heart. His name is not on any of the letters in the mailbox. When sending an e-mail...his contact no longer appears in the type line. His number is still on the A list in my cell phone, I can't bring myself to delete it, but I am almost sure that another's voice would answer if I called...so I don't call anymore.

The talks we had have either faded into nothingness, or become all that I can hear--especially on long sleepless nights like tonight. I don't remember the exact way the colors gathered in his eyes like i used to. The scent of his cologne has faded from all his clothes and everything he left behind. There are no more pictures to be developed that he took.

The hardest part was not the viewing or the funeral, not even the day I was informed that he was dead... there was a numbness then that covered a multiplicity of emotions. A shock that subdued much of the sadness. The truest hard times are those when I know we would be together. His kids birthdays...our brother's wedding...Sunday afternoons for family dinner...the Jazz games...and trips to the lake...those moments when something wonderful happens and I want to pick up the phone and call him...or those nights when with a broken heart I want an older brother to tease me in the way that only a loving/anamostic older brother can to make me feel better, or at least make me angry so I forget what was initally bothering me. These are the moments when my soul throbs, my lungs constrict, my heart dies, my emotions collide and acidic tears silently escape my entombed heart...

The clock moves, yet I fear that to do so is to move on and in someway dishonors his memory, his life, his loss. And even in those moments when fear is not the governing factor, pain has a tight grasp on my recent past and the hurt that comes with each new step seems nearly debilitating...

How can I live in such a way as to love so deeply those whom my heart calls friend, brother, sister, cherished, loved...and then walk away when time and circumstances ascertain..?

Minutes Expand into Years...Yet Weeks Fly By...

Time. Time is a phenomenon that I have yet to fully understand.

For instance, there are days that seem to last forever. There are wonderful moments I wish would last forever, and then there are the weeks that I don't blog--and lifetimes transpire over the course of simple days.

I feel like so many things have happened since I last posted. My whole life is different. I have another job. Three new opportunites to serve in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, a new home, and some really great new people in my life.

When I don't post for a while I feel that I am living forgotten moments... or at least not extapolating from them all that I can...
I am going to do better at posting. Especially now that I have a more consistent work schedule and some of the other variables in my life are being resolved.

And for those of you that read this and want to be annoyed because you think this still doesn't answer any of your thousands of questions... I promise more pictures and details soon!

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

I Love My Life!

August 13th from 2-4am there was a meteor shower. There were a few really beautiful shooting stars, satalites & fireworks, but the best part was the company of good friends, and even a random guy to take pictures for us! Thanks Chris ;)

Friday, August 10, 2007

Freed from the fetters!!!

"Each of us should do all that we can, in the spirit of gospel self-reliance, to provide for ourselves and our families in a temporal and a spiritual way."

Elder Dallin H. Oaks
Ensign, May 1997, 23

This quote made me smile as it was on my homepage just now when I came in to log off my computer! I wasn't going to post tonight--but this was just TOO divine to pass up.

Life is wonderful!

Friday, July 20, 2007

Floridian Update!

So, life here is a little hectic. With my phone not working and my Internet down I have felt much like this is another full-time mission. I even sent snail mail to my family and 2 of my friends yesterday--whoa--blast from the past.

I have seen some really wonderful people come to Christ while I have been here. This week was like the marathon gospel week. Last Friday and Saturday I spent in Ft. Lauderdale at a young single adult (YSA) conference, then church in Sunday, with missionary meeting after, teaching new member discussions, and to top it off a fireside. Monday was FHE, Tuesday meetings with the bishop/YM/YW @ the church, and a couple hours working with LDS Family Services to establish the addiction recovery groups here in So. Florida. Wednesday I taught Institute on 2 Nephi. Thursday was the Relief Society pioneer dinner, Tonight was the YSA/missionary dinner we hosted, tomorrow morning at 6:30 we have a stake temple trip leaving for Orlando, then back by 7 or 8pm, and church the next morning.

The work with LDS Family Services and also AFSP, and most especially the church have been wonderful!!! I love it here!!! I got offered a job in Nantucket for the next 4-5 months, and I had decided to go...I made a list of pros and cons and all the "cons" were the people here, quality friends, missionary and service opportunities. I don't want to leave the people.

Oh, and an incredible Jerusalem Story. I will save it for later! Lovin' life here!

Monday, July 9, 2007

A Few of My Favorite Smiles...

All wrapped up tight like a bug in a rug, 'like her daddy used to' swingin' @ Uncle Brad's weddingEatin' Chinese @ her daddy's favorite, The Mandarin!Flowers for Aunt Ah-eee, right from Hammy's front yard.Ok, so maybe I keep them...Chewin' Chocolate covered strawberries, smile!Smilin' to see just how much i can get away with
[Photo taken by Sydney M. Crist]A Lovin' Hammy Shan SmileI think there is a smile behind all that water...Watch me everybody, watch me!!!Enough said...The, I'm pretending to be shy smile/my papa's wife doesn't know how to do my hair...The 'I don't know any of these people' courtesy smile.Wow. I think I could get into a lot of things up here smileMy Aunt Ashwee has chocolate cake for me smile!!!The I WANT MY BINKY BACK NOW SMILEBaby yoga smilin'The best hair ever smile!!!Hide-and-go-seeking-smile!

Thursday, July 5, 2007

My Horoscope Today...Sagittarius

I just have to say...I rarely read my horoscope--in fact I only check my MSN account about once a month, and I happened upon this.

Pay attention to the news today, dear Sagittarius. Be sure to check out not just the mainstream news, but the offbeat smaller, independent publications. Question what you hear and what you read. Take an active role in increasing your own knowledge of the world. Take responsibility for your citizenship by keeping a keen eye out to what is going on. Information is an important piece of the puzzle towards gaining power.

I found it interesting considering my being led to the marriage amendment--which made me want to register to vote, and also an independent publication that led me to a woman that invited me to be on the board for AFSP's upcoming Florida events, and then a small community paper back in SLC that contacted me today about writing an article on my experience with the Out of Darkness walk in New York City...

It just all goes to show that God created the universe and that there are laws that govern even the smallest details of our lives. I am very grateful for that knowledge. I think there are many out there that place all their confidence in something like a horoscope, not realizing the hand of God in all things.

I also want to share with you what I feel is the best daily advice for life--it comes from my homepage http://www.lds.org... and was from this morning:
"The world is in need of your help. There are feet to steady, hands to grasp, minds to encourage, hearts to inspire, and souls to save. The blessings of eternity await you." -President Thomas S. Monson. Doesn't that just inspire you beyond the vague assurance of a horoscope? It makes me want to be better and do more and seek greater opportunities to help others, not just wait for the stars to allign for my good.

I hadn't meant for this to turn into a late night rambling--but I have not posted for quite some time now. So many things have happened--my brother is now happily married to the woman of his dreams--hooray for Brad & Abby!!! I got to spend 4 wonderful days with my favorite kids: Sydney(5), Stockton(4) & Samantha(2)! I got to see almost all my old friends!!! with the exception of 3. I had a nice little emergency root canal the morning of my brother's wedding *I'll come back to this one* I had a physical and was reprimanded for not going to the Dr. consistently since i got hit by the truck while jogging in 2006, I had an eye exam and was told that I have the eyesight of an Eagle about 20/7!!! Which means I can see in 7' what most see in 20'-(I only share that because I didn't know what it meant);) and that i have a pretty severe astigmatism and would find glasses very helpful--they're on the way! Oh yes, and I learned a great deal about decorating wedding cakes, hand-dipping hundreds of strawberries in chocolate, wearing flip-flops rather than high heels, and why I miss driving 5-speed...Brad lent me his convertible for the weekend... I got to take all the kids to the best Chinese restaurant ever with my sweet mother. Was able to have a sleep-over with all over them at least once, even got to stay up all-night with dear sweet Sydney--OK, so not irresponsibly...the poor little doll was violently ill :( Was able to play in the sprinklers with Samantha, take Stockton to J-Dawgs and the swimmin' pool, and just love them like CRAZY!!!

Oh yes, and in my spare time I went through all my belongings, gave lots to charity, organized them all and moved out of my last apartment in Provo. For those of you that don't understand that last part--I'd lived with one of my best friends and she kindly watched over my stuff for the past few months--LOVE YOU!!!

I have so much more to post--including pictures (but I left my camera connection in Utah and it is somewhere between here and there in the care of the USPS--so that will be a few days...) but I am going to sleep now. More to come--it's a whole new year! And in case you wonder what I mean... this year has been the longest/hardest of my life. This week marks 365 days without my big brother...and so it is a new year. I even changed the dark look of this crazy old blog and am working on other aspects of my lil' life. I'd been thinking about this all day and wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry when a good friend pointed out just how young I look in the photos from exactly 1 year ago... so much can change in a year... and that provides hope for all the possibilities of the up-coming year!

Which also brings me to another topic I have had on my mind...but I'll save that for yet another rambling!

Florida Marriage Amendment

First, I know this isn't quite what most of you had in mind when asking for more frequent posts.
Second, for those of you that know me...I normally don't say much about politics which brings me to my final point:

Anything that is in alignment God's ordained plan that marriage be between a man and a woman is worth fighting for.

In an attempt to protect the divinely defined definition of marriage between 1 man and 1 woman, signatures of Florida residents/registered voters are needed. (I know...shockingly it is even causing me to register to vote...)

http://www.florida4marriage.org/

See also: "The Family: A Proclamation to the World" This is an official declaration from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints that helped me come to a greater knowledge and appreciation of marriage and family amid the confusing connotations that attempt to define marriage.

http://www.lds.org/library/display/0,4945,161-1-11-1,00.html

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Beautiful New Day!

The sunrise this morning was INCREDIBLE! I woke up to red and orange sprays of light dancing across the ceiling above my bed! This photo doesn't fairly portray it's grandeur--but it WAS 6am...

I think the sun must have been very attracted to me today--In fact, it turned me a slightly darker shade of burned than I was already...What can I say...? People have that affect on me..? Wait...Miss C help... turn the nametag over and call the number on the back!

Sunday, June 17, 2007

Mmmm...Sunday Night Sweets!

So growing up Sunday evening was the time for sweets. Most of the sweet things we made growing up were on Sundays and holidays. Everyone would be over and whether it was carmels, cakes, cookies, carmel corn, suckers, pies, taffy or hot fudge--it usually was thought into existence by a loving fat dog--one of my brothers ;) My mother and I would usually cook up something wonderful and then as everyone sat around the talk of hot fudge or chocolate chip cookies would begin to circulate--usually starting with Scott or Matt--the ones who "don't do sweets" and what they mean by that is they don't buy them because they really like to eat them--and they will be rather disappointed if we don't keep the ingredients for them on hand for every possible gathering.

Tonight when I couldn't sleep I decided to make my incredible chocolate chip cookies. Seeing as it is Father's day and I am far from home, the scent filled my home with nostalgia. So many good times with little hands putting in the chocolate chips for me (some actually making it into the bowl--most filling little tummies) Big kids fighting little kids to clean the beaters, and more dough being eaten than cookies--always with a warning from my mother--you know 'if my mother were making these..." All in a batch of chocolate chip cookies.

Saturday, June 16, 2007

'An Attitude of Gratitude...'


Today was okay. Started early with work and was kind of melancholy, but nothing too unusual. I'd wanted to call my family pretty much all morning--the kids had slept at 'hammy shans' so i knew i could call there; however, I did NOT want to wake them up. So I let a few hours pass and figured it was safe to call them around 10 o'clock their time--no answer--so i called a few more times--each time leaving crazy messages for my mom. even calling her land line--which if you know anyone in the family you know that is the least effective means of communication--I'd have better luck with 2 plastic cups and a string tied between them ;)

NO luck still.

Finally I gave up on 'hammy shans' phones and called uncle brad--sure enough--Sammy answered the phone!!! "Ah-eeE, Ah-eeE, Ash-eEE!!!" I got to talk to them--they were on their way to Hogle Zoo! and boy were they excited! The train--and of course the "mohn-kee's" (Samantha's new word--and it is really cute.) So I talked to them until they were in the parking lot and then let them go :( a little saddened by the 3,000 miles when 'Stockt-O' said so how many days until you come to UTA-hh? How many hours? That's a lot.

I couldn't get the kids off my mind all day! I called my mom's phone which obviously she did not have on her--3 or 4 times. Then finally I called Uncle Brad again--just wanting to hear their voices. I know it must sound crazy cause long amounts of time have passed since they moved to Ohio and I can't talk to them--but I called again--

They had just been in a car accident. A complete tire had come off a truck and had mangled the front end of my brothers fiances car. I am so grateful they weren't in his little BMW. I am so grateful the tire didn't go through the windshield. All 3 little ones were sleeping in their car seats in the back seat--only Syd stirring awake as the accident happened--with my mom in the front seat and Brad driving--how grateful I am that they were safe. When someone said they must have had angels watching out for them--Little Sydney added in--'it was my daddy."
How grateful I am for the people I love. Abby's new little Subaru has definitely seen better days--but it doesn't even matter--considering what it kept safe today.
A few days ago--a really good friend had suggested that I make some lists of the good things in my life-people and circumstances--and i had tried--it just wasn't very easy. So I have really made it a matter of prayer to seek and cultivate a greater attitude of gratitude--today that prayer was answered in a striking way...maybe not so graciously--but undeniably. I am so grateful for all those people that were protected in that car today--for my other brothers, and my dad. For the thousands of good people I have known in my life--and even for the days like today where the fragile nature of life is revealed so as to render a greater appreciation for those around us right now.

Friday, June 15, 2007

Welcome to Florida: Bullfrogs and Sunshine


Today has been a rather interesting--entirely exhausting day. Very early this morning I was awakened by an odd rap-rap--rappity-rap-rap on my window--my first thought was 'what in the world is Christi doing at my house at this hour?' Followed by a slight concern that maybe it was one of the creepy guys that live in my building--I know--[insert my mother's sentiment that if I were married I wouldn't have to live alone and worry such..]

I glanced up to see the body of a bullfrog making its way across my window. I went to get my camera and when i opened the blinds I scared the little (big) fella, and he bounded back to the ledge--where these beautiful beat-ee-eye-d photos could be taken!
Then after a crazy long day of work, and before starting my final job of the day--I decided to go make some phone calls by the pool. It was overcast and I hadn't planned on being out too long. WELL... the clouds all moved and a beautiful day emerged--let's just say i took in a few rays... I have a tan line from my necklace--and a few other ones that prove the day to be quite effective in deepening my already native skin color (thanks Grandpa Fisher for my beautiful olive skin!)

Well as random as they come--I know--I am off to bed!
10 pm :) work comes early tomorrow!

Monday, June 11, 2007

The Race Itself!!!
























NOT to worry mom... This was just a joke--the little NYPD med cart drove past and a little too loudly I said--I wonder if they'd let me take my picture on that--Of course, NYPD always there to serve the public!!! Final comment from the officer, "you're not from NY are you?"