An Eternal Love, Olivia.

Livie Leaves in Less Than 8 Hours...Sometimes I detest time. The finite measure that makes my heart pound during a timed exam, or makes my blood pressure rise during a race, the measurement that causes words like good-bye or time-to-go to have a place in our lives...it is what makes my heart ache knowing that our time is coming to a close.

Learning from the past and living in the now Liv I thank you for the perfect day! We got up this morning and shared strawberries in our cereal, then I got to spend the day with you while your mommy and daddy went to say good-bye to your old house.

It was a beautiful bright sun-shiny day so we played and went for a walk and took pictures in the freshly fallen snow and danced and sang songs then played some more watched baby Einstein and had a deliciously healthy little lunch and then read stories... and you were so tired you fell asleep in my arms with Bear, didn't even cry or fight when I put you down for your nap (I would have held you the whole time but I worried you wouldn't have slept as well...that and at some point I did actually have to study and work.) You slept for 2 1/2 hours!!! And were so happy to see me when you got up that you just wanted to cuddle with me and bear--even though mommy and daddy were home. Then we made fajitas for dinner, watched 24--I Love Jack--and LAUGHED. Livie, you laughed at everything--cars and dancing and 'the end' and your songs and the pass-a-long card--then horsie and your songs--then we said our good-byes and shed a few tears, read some more stories and called it a night.

I am reminded of something Sydney & I wrote while I served my mission in Washington and she lived in Utah that later usurped even more special meaning...

A: I love you.
S: I love you.
A: I love you more.
S: I love you more.
A: I love you bunches and bunches and bunches.
S: I love you bunches and bunches and bunches.
A: I love you all the way to Utah.
S: I love you all the way to Washington.
A: I love you all the way to the stars.
S: I love you all the way to the moon.
A: I love you all the way to California.
S: I love you all the way to Florida.

A: I love you all the way to Heaven.
S: I love you all the way to Heaven.

Livie, I love you all the way to Maine and more than that, I love you for eternity. I agree with Bruce R. McConkie that in God's finite and eternal realm if there is a measure of love it is time. Everlasting, eternal, endless, forever, the beginning and the end, without measure... I don't just love you 12 months or 8 years or the length of mortal life... I have learned a lot about love through life and loss and agency that the capacity of my heart to love has expanded and the questions of how long will I love, or not love, through what will I love, or not love, from what distance will I love, or not love... and I must say that not time, nor tide nor space can prevent the heart from loving that makes the choice and then commits to continually cultivate that love every day.

From the lyrics of Collective Soul:
"Change will come,
change is here,
Love fades out,
then love appears.."

I agree to some extent--because change is inevitable--without change we would not progress and become better...and while many loves do come and then fade or have some condition... we decide the outcome of love and when committed eternally there is something so much grander...

A new and everlasting love. The kind of love that binds a family through eternity. The love I see between Livie's mom and dad. The love I feel for my mom that would cause me to stay here and watch over her--but because her love has no limits she would not allow me to do so. The love I feel for a friend Liz who was baptized yesterday. The love I feel for those I've taught and served and learned with. The love I feel for my brother, now in heaven. The love our Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ have for us... I believe there is something so much larger than the finite love that ends with death or distance or addiction... I believe I glimpsed at this love tonight as my brother with tears in his eyes sang I am a Child of God to his beautiful little Olivia...

Although I cannot see it, although I have surely not mastered this love, it was not a part of my parents marriage, this love is a part of me. The love that God has for each of us--His perfect love--that love can fill our souls if we will pray for and cultivate it and exercise faith in it by putting it into action and allowing it to be a part of us.

So Livie, no matter where you live, or how many creative ways I have to find to show you I love you from afar...no matter how much I have to learn and grow and come to comprehend in order to love you forever... I will love you with a love eternal.

Ode to Olivia...

Olivia when you were born you brought so much joy into my life...Just like fireworks that brighten the dark July night...How grateful I am for you and all the good-times we have shared together I have seen you grow from day oneWhen you were so tiny in my arms I was afraid I might break you-I'm not sure who was more nervous...me or your daddy ;) you were-so fragile and fresh from the presence of God.

In the words of William Wordsworth:
"Our birth is but a sleep and a forgetting:
The Soul that rises with us, our life’s Star,
Hath had elsewhere its setting,
And cometh from afar:
Not in entire forgetfulness,
And not in utter nakedness,
But trailing clouds of glory do we come
From God, who is our home."

I waited so patiently with our family until you were born...I loved you and prayed for you long before you were born...and I will always love and pray for you.

I got to come to your baby shower and gave you gifts I got at Stage One @ Disney World--just for you Mo...Later you got to go to Disney Land and sport your stuff...I've watched your tiny toes grow each day...I got to go to church with you when mommy & daddy spoke and I got to hold you--sleeping in my arms--the whole time...and watch you peacefully sleep...I fed you fruit and Cheetos before I knew you weren't supposed to have them before dinner. I got to be there when you learned to swim in the swimming pool, and got to see you react to Carter when he was VERY excited to come and play. I got to be there and scribe the day you were blessed.I got to help with haircut #2 and have tried all kinds of fun things with your hair while tending you.I've gotten to be your distraction while you screamed during bath-time...oh how you LOVE to have your hair washed...or NOT. And you have mastered "the look" that speaks a thousand words...and YOU are the worlds best boss ;) You do love to flyAnd you truly are our little angel with light and love so bright we feel closer to God when we are near you.You love to play patty-cake with Hammy... You also love to play upside down...I spent your first Christmas celebration with you...you were the cutest little mischievous Santa baby... I gave you the little black puppy and you loved it and hugged itand patted it... and held it so tightly...I also had the opportunity to give you fun presents and lil' flip books. I even stole some from your collection to add pictures to for your birthday. I got to see how much you LOVED your birthday party and cake :)Although you are very happy when people go home and it is just the four that you know best...I got to be there when you met your lil' cousins for the first time and see how much Sydney,Stockton,Samantha & Hadyn love you.You introduced me to baby Einstein--quite the experience!You shared Care Bears and the Mickey Mouse Hot Dog Song... You shared your favorite books with me--torn ears and all. You let me rock you and even cuddle.You've given me kisses and hugs and just loved me. You shared your money with me and we learned 'One for the Money' together.I got to help you get excited for your trip to Hawaii...I've gotten to stop in and play when daddy goes out of town and seen your GI crawl

and then the real thing...watched you climb stairs...dried your tears...played pee-a-boo and made you laugh. You laughter is my favorite sound in the whole world. I woke you up one night getting ice out of the freezer...no more ice. I've jumped out from behind every corner to make you smile and giggle...I throw you up in the air to catch a smile and play with your puzzles and do jumping jacks when you are in your jumperoo you love to jump and play while mommy and daddy eat dinner...OR watch Sports Center...I have loved to build blocks with you Liv!And so did Hammy Shan!She loves you very much and will shed so many tears when you move far away... but no matter where you live... remember that we will ALWAYS love you...I have taken more than 4,000 pictures--you could probably see that by now... of you in the (almost) 12 months you have been alive--and I am grateful for every one of them... I learned when Uncle Scott died and his kids moved away that you can never have too many pictures...Oh how I wish I had taken a good family picture before Scott died, or that he were alive to take one with us all in it...but for now this will have to do... and it does NOT do you justice...you are so BEAUTIFUL OLIVIA--Always remeber that AND YOU CAN NEVER LOVE SOMEONE TOO MUCH. Never take them for granted or say a harsh word...it may be the last time you see them...at least until we go back to Heaven. Sometimes I wish you could talk and tell me of Heaven and how Uncle Scott is doing. I think he taught you and loved you and helped prepare you to be stronger than we were...I get to sing you "in the Jungle" either when daddy is out of town or just to drive him crazy. I share my Chick-fil-a lemonade with you and help with your lil' after bath baby massage...I've watched you go crazy and attack the doggies in the neighborhood--and everywhere for that matter. I got to help take care of you and take fun pictures while mommy was in her Olympic-Tri--that was a long day without mommy and you did SO well!I've gotten to make yummy dinners when you come over and let you play in all the ads from the Sunday paper.I've taken your family pictures and sung you primary songs when I rock you. I've gotten to stay over and surprise you in the morning with your very sleepy but happy that you have a friend to play with that day too look...I've gotten to watch Music & the Spoken word with you--oh how you love that...and Sunday breakfast with dad on a day he doesn't have work or church meetings--yay!!! Daddy learned and grew a lot from those callings and early meetings...daddy loved and served a lot of people and I am sure Heavenly Father is happy about that and has a great work in store for him in Maine...
I have seen you grow up in the rocker with the big red wall behind you...I got to take you to your first (and probably last if you are smart) passover service @ BYU ;) You came to my birthday party with the cousins...and we celebrated Thanksgiving together...Just our Style... we are a little cray Liv...but Oh how we love you!!! You came to the Fisher Family Christmas Partyand liked Hammy Shan's earrings the very best!I've seen you laugh at the videos of yourself--especially the birdie one!!! I've gotten to enjoy Sunday dinners with you & puppy at Hammy's house. I've taken you for walks and runs...sometimes I just couldn't keep you awake...ok...most of the time :)you even let me come trick-or-treating and enjoy holiday BBQ's with you--Thank you so much Olivia.I got to spend many Tuesdays with Livie and am grateful for every one of them. I got to make her the first real hot fudge sundae--which SHE LOVED--I LOVE YOU LIVIE and I am going to miss you very much--you are such a great source of joy to me and I will love you always.

I am happy for you to start your new adventure amid the fall leaves and fat lobsters and can't wait to come see you and peanut and puppy...ahh yes and mom & dad. ;) I will miss you Brad & Abby you have been a great strength and example to me these past couple of years.I love you guys and hope the future is continually filled with joy and good memories to be made...

Christmas w/ the Fam… 65 plus!!!

We haven't gotten together with my extended family for way too long...and it must've been missin' my lil' red Grandma and Grandpa Royal that caused me to do something crazy... I organized a lil' chaos!!! We really missed those who weren't able to make it or have gone back to live with our Heavenly Father. Great to see the fam at something other than a funeral or wedding--at least not mine. These are raw--I haven't had a chance to edit them but I will and they are in order of the Fishers:

My Uncle Lynn was the oldest (9/17/41-2/23/84). I don't remember him much but I always clean off his grave, shovel a path and take things for his birthday and holidays. Sadly not all of his kids were able to make it--we missed you Jeff, Jeni, & Jami--and families--and hope to see you soon. The following is his oldest son Jason's family...And this would be my cousin Jody...another of Lynn's family representatives...not only did her mom and step-dad escape my attempted photos, I couldn't con her sister Julie into a family photo and her kids left without her--they went home with Jason & Fam :) We love you even if you were left there all alone.Next in line is my mother...I will avoid putting her birthday so as to not be gathering for my funeral next. I just about had to drag kicking and screaming siblings who argued we already had a picture this decade--and actually quite recently.I've included this one in honor or Scott's family who were not able to make it to the party. Love you guys!My Aunt Diann's family comes now--We were so sad Traci and her family who recently moved to Montana, Clark, DeeAnn and Sheri & family (who had just lost a close family friend)weren't able to make it--It had been too long and was so good to see you all.Big A--AKA Uncle Art--comes next. Everyone but John, Nick & his family were able to be there! I also have some great photos from the lake I still need to post from this Summer with these guys--they are AMAZING!

Blaine & his wife Diane, and family were gracious enough to host this large bunch--Nicole is a nurse and had to work but we got to see her great little family. We will always miss you Aunt Colleen and their little boy Josh--especially at this time of year.
Uncle Bob--we missed you Devena & Andrea (sp?) but hope you are enjoying Arizona.
AlisonLiv: Daddy, I'm really tired... soo many people...Yay! It's time to go... home to bed!!!