...weep for the loss of them that die

"Thou shalt live together in love, insomuch that thou shalt weep for the loss of them that die..." [section 43 verse 45 from the Doctrine & Covenants of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints]

This thought has persisted on my mind all day. Today was a sad day, but one with many good things that happened, and a lot of opportunity to grow, reflect & ponder.

A lot of events have transpired in my life and the lives of those around me that have caused my mind to be drawn up often in thought of God, Christ, the Holy Ghost, and also those we love that have left this mortal life. And today especially--to think of my brother Scott who died last year.

Today makes 15 months without him. 638 days. 15,326 hours. 919560 minutes.

I came home from a meeting tonight just after 9:00p, talked to a good friend from BYU, then trying to persuade myself to go to sleep...I got ready for bed. My heart was filled with sorrow and I just didn't want to think about it...

By now my screen saver had begun to send pictures across my screen that was still on at the foot of my bed... pictures of Scott's kids... I couldn't remain numb any longer. I began to weep. Some of them joyous memories, others just pulling at the void in my heart because I have only seen them for 4 days this year. I used to spend such a huge amount of time with them--they will always remain in my heart.

So, feeling a little stupid for weeping in my room in silence, I began to pray... the thought came into my mind to live in such a way that we weep for those that die. Knowing there is some doctrine like that I turned to the scriptures...I love the topical guide by the way...

The first scripture of immediate interest containing the word weep was Ecclesiastes chapter 3...then Luke 6:10, and finally D&C 42:45... will finish this later...

But Ecclesiastes gave me hope for that the season to laugh ;)

All In The Attitude...

Tonight was a wonderful night...and I realized one crucial thing... It is all in the attitude. After Tuesday's little accident...there was no where to go BUT UP!!! And way up at that ;)

All my tables were awesome! I had one family offer me a job watching their 2 little girls, 5 & 3. I was asked out by 2 of our servers...and at least 50 times tonight I heard: "hey--Watch Out Ash--Don't Fall!" Yeah...they are funny huh!

All but 3 of the people that I served tonight ordered alcohol...and not just the normal...we're talking "house specialty"..."sweetest dessert wine in stock"..."Manhattan Perfect-up-lemon-side rocks--" WHOA. There were times that I nearly needed them to draw me a picture ;) But the "I don't drink...I just moved here from Salt Lake City..." always was a nice lead into them saying--there is definitely something different about you...and we like it ;)

Missionary work on the job!!! I love my life!
I loved feeling a little like a missionary tonight as I biked home--it was a beautiful night to bike and I live so close... Life truly is beautiful!

oh, and if you know of anyone that wants to read the blog that I didn't think to e-mail that reads...just send me an e-mail and I will add them on...I may go back public...we'll see ;)

A Lil' Something Beautiful!

A Lil' Accident @ Work...

OK, OK, Ok already...for those of you that would like to know about this little accident at work:

I am a server @ Outback...I was trayed up with 4 sirloins, large number of heavy flatware...and apparently there was standing water between the kitchen and the dining room...while running this food for Chris...I hit the water... both feet flew out from under me, took the tray to the head and some where between then and consciousness, one of the broken pieces of china slit the veins in my left wrist, and somehow i wound up with a bruise the size of football from knee to mid calf-- I have matching black and blue tones on my head--but luckily my beautiful hair covers them nicely...

Forty-five minutes and 5 bar towels later I was no longer swimming in my own blood bath. A huge thanks to Rach for coming to pick me up...and to all the servers for helping me rid sirloin and sour cream from every place it doesn't belong.

Sadly I thought yesterday was the worst of it...but waking up this morning i felt worse than having been hit by a truck...OK so maybe not really...but a 100lb weighted blow to the head tends to leave a mark.

And...YES...I am aware of the ironic timing with this being the very day after my renewed commitment to take better care of myself...

"are you taking care of yourself???"

In conversation with a good friend last night, this divinely inspired question arose: "are you taking care of yourself???"

Have you ever been asked that?

I haven't.

I didn't even know how to respond.
I knew that it was something I needed to ponder because, initially, it made me mad.

It spurred another intensive moral inventory.

Am I taking care of myself?
What things have I been doing that are good?
What things have I been doing that are less-effective?
Am I balanced, physically, emotionally & spiritually?
Am I as Christ-centered as I want/need to be?
How is my personal communication with my Heavenly Father?

While pondering this topic, I came across the talk entitled "How is it With Us?" By Elder Ballard, referencing Lorenzo Snow's original inquiry to the early saints.

He states, "The Lord expects that we will do something. But what? What is it that needs our personal attention?" Elder Ballard goes on to say, "It appears to me that the most important thing everyone of us can do is to examine our own commitment & devotion to the Lord Jesus Christ. We must carefully guard against spiritual apathy & work to maintain the full measure of our loving loyalty to the Lord."

Even when we are so busy with meetings and service and lessons, is it possible that we suffer from spiritual apathy?

This made me think of a talk by Elder Wirthlin where he expressed "fear that some members of the Lord’s Church 'live far beneath our privileges' with regard to the gift of the Holy Ghost. Some are distracted by the things of the world that block out the influence of the Holy Ghost, preventing them from recognizing spiritual promptings. This is a noisy and busy world that we live in. Remember that being busy is not necessarily being spiritual. If we are not careful, the things of this world can crowd out the things of the Spirit."

Another thought by Arianne Cope: "I’d been so busy, my spiritual health was battered."

In responding to my friends question I said, "Physically, yes. spiritually, yes. Emotionally, kind of..."

But was that true? And how if our soul consists of both body and spirit can the 3 be compartmentalized? This is something that I thought about long into the night. How can I decrease the business and increase the spirituality in my life? How can I better qualify for the constant companionship of the Holy Ghost? How can I cease to live beneath my privileges?

The first thought that came to mind was how many hours do I spend communicating with God? Do I consistently surrender my will to his? How can I better trust Him?

I think if God, my loving Father in Heaven spoke to me yesterday, he would have said something very similar to the words of my friend: "please keep the stress levels down... please! take care of yourself."

This morning I woke up to a letter from a great friend serving God in Hungary, and one in Boise who is about to serve God in Ohio...both spoke truth and reiterated the loving concern God has for me.

How grateful I am that even though I am so far from perfect that God allows me the opportunity to continue to learn and grow and places so many Christ-like individuals in my life. I am grateful that I can start right now by communicating with God and receiving personal guidance from Him.

My Favorite Lil' Faces...

These are 3 of the 400 pics I took on our 7 hour stop-over in Ohio...Oh how I love these kids!!!

Long days caught up to me...

Yesterday was a very long day. Early morning meetings preceded by a wicked late night of preparation for the early morning meetings and the lesson for relief society. Followed by more meetings and 2 friends being baptized... I came home and fell asleep around 3pm...you know...a quick power nap, right?



Well...not so much... I woke up at 5:30...

THE FOLLOWING DAY.


The end.