A Tribute to President Gordon B. Hinckley:

President Gordon B. Hinckley, A prophet, seer, revelator, example & friend.

This week one of the most influential men in my life died. Ever since the time I became converted to the Gospel of Jesus Christ, Gordon B. Hinckley has served as the president of the church. The first doctrinal sermon I remember was given by President Hinckley in November 2000--I had the opportunity to be there in person--and near the end of his talk--he prayed for us (the youth of the church).

Up until this point in my life I had never had that experience of someone praying out loud for my welfare. Hearing someone petition God in my behalf. Knowing that he loved me and wanted the best for me. This was a very powerful confirmation to me that the choices I had made to live my life according to the teachings of the Gospel of Jesus Christ was the correct decision--even if I still didn't have all the answers that I wanted, I knew that I couldn't let what I didn't know keep me from what I did know--God loves me--and through his mouthpiece--or prophet--he was telling me that.

Time passed and I attended Brigham Young University in Provo, Utah. I had many opportunities to hear President Gordon B. Hinckley speak and was able to study his life & his words, both written and spoken. How my love for this sweet man grew.

Here was a man more than 70 years older than me who put me to shame with his level of energy and optimism and devotion to righteousness--only not in a condemning way--not to make me feel guilty or to despair that I would never be good enough--in a purely exemplary, loving, Christ-like & motivating way--I wanted to be better.

My second year at BYU I was able to study abroad in Italy, Switzerland, France & England. Here I was able to learn from & with many other saints many of whom I shared only my faith in God with. Here I realized that the doctrine of the Gospel of Jesus Christ does not change according to culture, race, language, ethnicity, age nor life experience. God is the same. His teachings are the same. I had the opportunity to testify of Jesus Christ and my love for him in each country that we studied in, and in so doing found an even greater love than I had before understood.

I wanted to share my love of God and His teachings and the happiness I had found as I studied and applied those principles in my own life. I decided to serve a mission. I was called to serve in the Washington Spokane Mission, and honestly was a little disappointed that it wasn't more exotic...or at least more than an hours plane ride from home... I had to wrestle with my pride and discovered from God that this was truly where I needed to be, that through His Prophet I had been called to serve there, and I decided in that moment to serve with all my heart might mind and strength. I loved hearing about President Hinckley's own mission to England where he'd had a hard time and his father told him to forget himself and go to work... it was such a great example to me.

While serving a full-time mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, I came to an even greater appreciation of Jesus Christ and His servants here on the Earth. I studied the lives and teaching of God's chosen servants and I desired so badly to "waste and wear out my life" serving God as they did. While I was in Washington and the surrounding area, I had many choice experiences that have helped to shape me and reach a greater divine potential. One of the experiences that really stuck with me, relative to President Hinckley involves my dear sweet niece Sydney.

One day my family had gathered for dinner and everyone had gotten their drinks and had sat down to eat when Sydney(2 1/2) questioned everyone as to their choice or beverage. When she got to her dad, his response was beer. Sydney then told him how beer was bad for him. Scott being annoyed and questioning her source for such information asked her where she heard that, to which she sweetly responded, "Pwezident Hinkwee." I decided to write a little note to President Hinckley and tell him this experience and to thank him for teaching not only me, but also all of the children. How badly I wanted my brother to understand the importance of what his sweet daughter had tried to teach him that day.

While I was in Washington, President Hinckley lost his dear sweet wife. It was April 6, 2004. How my heart ached for him. I had only ever seen him happy and optimistic and full of life--he openly grieved and spoke of how dearly he missed her. He had such a love and reverie for women. I did not grow up in an environment where women were respected. I loved hearing him speak of his daughters and grand-daughters and women that he worked with in the church. It gave me such hope that there were/are men in the world who feel that way and act accordingly. Whether in jest or outright women were cut down and mocked in my family, never to be smart enough, nothing of value to contribute or accomplish. My brother still 'tunes out' during general conference when women speak. I love and appreciate President Hinckley for being one of the first men to show me that as a woman I have worth.

I got ill on my mission and had to return home early. I was devastated. I asked for a blessing before leaving Washington and in it was reminded that even the prophet and apostles get sick and that through such physical ailments would have many opportunities to have my faith tried and to develop greater spiritual strength. I worked for months trying to get my health to where I could return to full-time service, but not feeling 100% and knowing that I couldn't serve with anything but all my heart might mind and strength, I returned to school to complete my education and allow my body to recover. I had a greater amount of time to dedicate to my study of the lives and words of God's chosen prophets. My love and respect for them continued to grow. I was perplexed how at 95 years old President Hinckley--while grieving the loss of his eternal companion, and battling cancer could face life as enthusiastically as he did--and continually remind me that "this is not a gospel of doom and gloom..." Oh how badly i wanted to internalize that sentiment. I kept trying. I wanted to do as President Hinckley reminded us often and to "stand a little taller."

I was able to again attend school and had the privilege of teaching others to serve as missionaries. Working in the Missionary Training Center (MTC) in Provo Utah was very possibly one of my favorite experiences. It was wonderful being able to help missionaries learn & hopefully start them off at a place of greater advancement then I had been. I loved being able to attend devotionals/large group meetings where leaders of the church were instructing the missionaries and to continue learning from them.

At this time I also had the privilege of serving as the president of the women’s organization in the congregation of my church that I attended… I think the experience is best summed up by my sister-in-law who is not a member of my same faith, but who is a wonderful faithful woman and who very insightfully said… “well Ash it’s not because you have all the answers it is because you have the most to learn from this opportunity to serve right now in your life.” How right she was. I learned a greater deal of reverence for the leaders of the church and especially President Hinckley as I struggled with things like delegating responsibility and having some people not want to accept the invitation to serve. I struggled with feelings of inadequacy and at times felt entirely overwhelmed, like there weren’t enough hours in the day, or like all my efforts still were insufficient for the task at hand… Then I would look to President Hinckley and the way he delegates even to people like me who have no idea how to run an organization and how much trust and faith he places in us—and how he does so with such joy and enthusiasm… Laurel was right I did/do have so much to learn!

Time continued to pass and life got more challenging. I was faced with the choice between multiple right decisions…these are much harder for me—I like to do everything that is right and sometimes it is just not possible. The choice between right and wrong is already made in my mind so it doesn’t produce any anxiety…but all these good things caused my little mind to swim. My brother was not doing well. I knew that. I didn’t really want to face it…but it began to blatantly face me.

In September of 2005 I felt that I needed to quit working at the MTC, heartbroken I went to tell my boss. I tried to explain to her, but I wasn’t even entirely sure as to why I was quitting—until the moment I spoke to her and said it was because I needed to spend more time with my brother and his kids. I then explained some of the events that had transpired and how I knew that no one could take my place as a Sister or in the calling I had received to serve the sisters in my ward (congregation)…but that there were plenty of good missionaries recently returned from service that could teach missionaries. I felt like I was giving up the most stable part of my life.

My brother Scott continued to get sicker and checked himself into a drug rehab program in SLC. Because of my altered scheduled I was able to go and visit him weekly. He included me much more in his struggle. I was able to give him a copy of the Book of Mormon with my thoughts, feelings and experience with the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I included in it the incredible promise from President Gordon B. Hinckley, “Without reservation I promise you that if each of you will observe this simple program, regardless of how many times you previously may have read the Book of Mormon, there will come into your lives and into your homes an added measure of the Spirit of the Lord, a strengthened resolution to walk in obedience to His commandments, and a stronger testimony of the living reality of the Son of God” (Liahona and Ensign, Aug. 2005, 6)

Knowing Scott’s frustration with people who profess to be of God and yet judge and criticize and condemn, I also included the promise from Elder Wirthlin that “the Church is not a place where perfect people gather to say perfect things, or have perfect thoughts, or have perfect feelings. The Church is a place where imperfect people gather to provide encouragement, support, and service to each other as we press on in our journey to return to our Heavenly Father.” How grateful I was/am for the leaders of the church who can better articulate and more graciously state simple truths such as those when oft times I am incapable of doing so. Such incredible prophetic blessings.

The trials continued well into the following semester. It was a great blessing that I was quite busy… But that wouldn’t last long...

June 2nd 2006 I went for a quick jog before heading up to the lake with friends to water ski, and a temple worker hit me with his truck.

Now on bed rest, I watched helplessly as those I loved progressed farther from God and the plan of happiness. Father’s day 2006 may very well have been the most bleak day of my life up to this point. It was then that I realized that both my brother and my father were completely void of feeling. It was then the grieving process began for me. I cried well into the morning. How could I sit by and do nothing as those I love more than any others in this life choose misery and death? I still have a great deal to learn of God’s eternal perspective that is for sure. Was this a trial of faith?

July 3rd 2006, Scott ended his mortal life. I found out July 4th… that day stood independent as the darkest.

I did not have sufficient faith for this trial. After all I had fasted and prayed and obeyed God and his commands, and my brother’s life was not preserved. I felt as though I no longer knew anything. It was then that I really began to observe the life and works of the President of the church, how was he able to go on without his lifelong friend and beloved wife? And how did he manage to do it while maintaining all his responsibilities? I tried to reach out to those around me, but I didn’t know how and none of my friends knew how to act either. I quickly became frustrated, even despondent.

In what I now realize was an attempt to find gratitude, faith, optimism…something positive, I wrote a brief note to President Hinckley thanking him for his example of faithfully enduring since the death of his wife. Wanting to appear very well composed and not wanting to drain any more of the very limited time resource of the President of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, I noted that no response was necessary, and thanked him for his example living the gospel of Jesus Christ.

President Hinckley wrote back. He knew how badly I was struggling. He knew that the trials had increased to a point where I felt there were not enough coping resources to cope with them. The letter speaks of Jesus Christ as our redeemer and judge. It speaks of the infinite nature of the Christ’s atonement and how he broke the bands of death for us. It speaks of peace that can come to us through the Holy Ghost and how it is through faith in Jesus Christ that we endure such trials and offered his prayers in my behalf and for those I love.

Today as I attended the funeral of President Gordon B. Hinckley, my heart drew upon all these memories. I cried both tears of sorrow and of joy. Selfishly I would like everyone I love to live in this life with me forever regardless of illness, age or situation, but luckily God knows better and has a timetable and a plan for each of us. Joy and peace truly filled my heart as I reflected upon the teachings of Jesus Christ as exemplified and preached by his Prophet Gordon B. Hinckley and knowing that he is now able to live eternally with his loving and faithful wife. It was beautiful to see the reverence of 10’s of 1,000’s as respect was paid to the Hinckley Family. How much my heart ached to see his chair empty at the conference center, or to not have him there to stop and wave his cane as he approached the exit—how grateful I am for his sweet daughter that did wave and continue her father’s expressions of faith and love and humor. How grateful I am that this is God’s church—that it is led by Him through whom He calls and that in a time of such uncertainty in the world that we have a prophet that lives and leads the church as Christ directs. How grateful I am to be a better person today than I was in November of 2000 when I first heard President Gordon B. Hinckley speak. I want to live a better life. I want to accomplish all that I can for good that God may be known by all that I meet. I want to live in such a way that I can see all those that I love, my brother Scott who didn’t know of God’s love and plan in this life, and also the sweet Prophet President Hinckley who helped me to find comfort amid grief and sorrow and who imparted of his knowledge of Jesus Christ at a time when my faith, immature and untried, was insufficient to withstand the tests of 2006.

God lives. He loves each of us. Jesus is the Christ, he is the redeemer of my soul. He is my ultimate example and most self-less, compassionate, perfect friend. Truly as Isaiah says, he has borne my sorrows and carried my grief. Christ is there for me in my times of sorrow and despair. He loves me and wants me to know joy even greater than my sorrow. He allows me to make choices that ultimately result in joy or pain—He is with me as I endure the choices of others that increase the difficulty and yield greater opportunity to learn in this life. Christ established the fullness of these truths and housed them in the early church. He was crucified. He suffered more than I can yet imagine—all that he might deliver each of us from sin and death—if we will come to Him. After Christ was killed many of the essential truths were lost, the apostles were killed and people struggled in darkness—many still wander in darkness. I wandered in darkness before I came to know God. I didn’t want to live in such a brutal calloused world—but through Christ I found light even amid the darkest nights and most excruciating trials. Through the Holy Bible and the Book of Mormon—testaments of Jesus Christ—I now have reason to hope in Christ. I have greater strength to endure. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens and enables me to do things that I would not be able to do if left to my own abilities. Just as I reverence Gordon B. Hinckley, so too do I revere Joseph Smith—both prophets called of God who made more readily available a knowledge of God’s love and the teachings that I need to find joy in this life and in the life to come with all those that I love. While my heart aches at saying goodbye for a time to a beloved prophet of the Lord Jesus Christ, I will live to follow his example, to “do my very best.” I will marry and love as he and Sister Hinckley did—so emulating the culminating joy of the plan of Salvation both in this life & the next. These things I know and it is these things that allow me to face each new day with hope and to rejoice in the Love of God.