Bittersweet Holidays

So many blessing around me:
Good friends & family,
the blessing & ability to work,
the opportunity to further my education,
a safe and warm place to sleep at night.
a beautiful sunrise & snow dusted mountains,
good music celebrating the birth & life of Jesus Christ,
the knowledge that Jesus Christ is my Savior, friend & redeemer,
that through prayer I can talk to God & know that he understands me perfectly,
birthday wishes from so many I love and appreciate,
beautiful flowers, a plant, and so many wonderful living things around me,
and so many more that I could no sooner number the stars in the sky...

So why the bittersweet myriad of emotions associated with the holidays?
It was easier to deal with my brother's death when in Florida,
I wasn't reminded of the void so oft as I am at family gatherings.
It seems the days I know we'd spend together are the most difficult...
my birthday, Thanksgiving, Christmas, his birthday, his kids birthdays etc.
(sometimes I wish that not all of these things fell the same time of year...)
And somedays I just feel sad when I think of Scott & all the good times...

How grateful I am for my dear sweet bishops wife today--she simply listened and understood, and saw the sadness beyond the smile, and loved me still the same. I know that because it's been 2 years, many people expect me to be 'over my brother's death...' but I guess I don't feel you ever get over someone you love; rather, you learn to live without them for a time. And until then, I will miss endless holiday monopoly games, eating so much we felt sick (although that one continues on still) and then playing 'fat dog' in front of the game, running around and playing with his kids, all the embarrassing family stories told at the dinner table, and just the way he made me laugh...