Have you ever looked at the most beautiful sunset and thought you may never see anything with so vivid color, and such profound meaning as what you've just seen?
Growing up on the East bench of the Wasatch front (where the Bountiful temple is visible from my bedroom window ;) You can see the sunset span the shores of the Great Salt Lake and slip behind Antelope Island just before it falls beyond the horizon. I never thought I'd see anything so beautiful again.
Serving people in Washington (Spokane, Republic, Cheney) Idaho, and British Columbia and watching the Sun disappear over golden fields of wheat, Monet-ic masterpieces like Coeur d'Alene, and rivers/mountain streams that cause even the most avid fisherman pause to take in the beauty) I never thought I would again see anything so beautiful.
But then I stood swept away from time as the sun set along the sands of the villages in Cinque Terre, or watched in awe as the rays of twilight lit the peoples faces along Pointe Vecchio in Florence, and stood atop the Tour d'Eiffel and watched the sun sink and send rays of light echoing far beyond the majestic spires of classic cathedrals. I never thought I would see anything so beautiful.
This week on my way up to Orlando, the Sun was setting just west of the Turnpike. There had been a major fire earlier that day and the sky was filled with smoke and debris, the sun broke through with the most caustic colors of crimson my eyes have ever encountered. Again, I thought I'd never see anything so beautiful.
Today is the 10 month anniversary of my brother's Scott death. For those of you who didn't have the privilege of meeting him (or did and were too intimidated to talk to him--Benjamin) he is a very passionate individual. There are many things he loves:
Sydney. Stockton. Samantha. Sports. Symbolism. Sunsets. Sarcasm. His favorite little sister ;)
Spending time without Scott has been much like the time after having just seen the sun go down after a most beautiful day. Will there ever be anything like it? Will there ever be anyone who can determine in a matter of minutes if the boy I'm dating is lame? Will there be a day when someone makes me laugh and cry so often? Will time cause the sun to rise again?
It is interesting living here in Florida. I live in the condo that Scott bought in Boca. Because I am on the East side of the state, there is little incentive to watch the sunset (unlike Utah, there are no mountains surrounding me, and it just isn't the same to watch it set behind the next apartment high rise ;) But the sunrise, on the other hand, that is another story. The sun rises over the Atlantic ocean--the most vast-- inexplicable expanse I've ever stood beside.
There is a promise made by President Hinckley (the prophet and leader of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints) that "if you go to bed by 1op and get up by 6a everything will work out." That is a pretty big promise considering all the problems in my life ;) After all, as one of my friends who recently returned to London put it I "am in quite the emotional state right now." I'll admit it. The last 301 days of my life have been the darkest abyss I never knew existed. The impenetrable black after the sun seemed to set on mortality. But if the past 7,224 hours of my life have proven anything it is that I can continue to exist. My heart will still beat. My lungs will still breathe. My eyes will still open. The sun will still rise.
There are fundamental laws that exist in this life and throughout eternity. The most basic is obedience. I love that promise from a prophet of God, if we go to sleep every night and wake up every morning, as basic as this promise seems--"everything will work out." From last night's institute manual:
"obedience to specific laws will result in specific blessings, culminating in the greatest blessing, 'the perfection upon which individual exaltation hangs is an individual matter. It is conditioned upon the observance of celestial laws as they apply to Earth life. The Word of Wisdom is one of them, so also are chastity, tithing, observance of the Sabbath day, prayer, honesty, industry, love of God and fellow men, patience, kindness, charity, and all the rest of the principles and ordinances of the gospel of Jesus Christ. Each individual who observes one or more of these laws shall receive the blessings predicated thereon, and each church member who will, with all the energy of his soul diligently strive to live them all, shall receive the blessings predicated upon such striving. Eternal life, the greatest gift of God, is that blessing, and it will follow the living of the gospel as the night the day, regardless of statistics or averages, or of what others think or say or do." -Marion G. Romney Oct 1956.
Is it really that simple? Obey and endure? Focus on the sun rising. I will never forget when I suggested to my friend that we apply to the London abroad program a few years back--it wasn't really in her program, and she hadn't really thought about it, but she applied with me--and then she got in and I did not. I called Scott sobbing as I stood on the sidewalk by the mailbox with my tear-stained letter in hand--he said "Ash, it's just like they say about windows and doors and whatever, sometimes they close, find a better one." I had wanted him to be upset with me, you know, whine with me over the injustices of life, but he taught me something much more powerful, much more enabling: Do not be a victim to your circumstances. So i went inside, applied to the Europe Visual Arts traveling program that afternoon (mind you I had not picked up a paint brush in years and was totally not "qualified" to go) and that allowed me to see more sunrises and sunsets then I had ever dreamt. To run the bridges in Rome at sunrise, to paint the Tuscan villas, and Swiss alps, to reach beyond my fears and to trust in the simple and basic law: the sun will still rise.
