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Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Struggling to Choose the Better Part...

Do you ever get discouraged and wonder if there is anything to life but heartbreak, the agency & painful decisions of others, sadness? Do you wonder if it's worth hanging on to the ideals because sometimes they seem so unattainable? And then... if you're like me--do you beat the crap out of yourself because you know that there are so many blessings in your life and you 'ought to be happier,' or you 'should be full of joy?' Do you ever just struggle as you strive to 'choose the better part?'

Today I just wanted to give up. To quit trying. To be the faint hearted that Obama talked about. I've learned to put on a great face & smile through heart wrenching pain--or as Gard would say--deflect peoples attention with curls. While I've learned to avoid those I can't placate with a facade--some are just so real that I couldn't maintain the smile--else they'd see the pain in my eyes...

I have increased in resilience and my ability to endure. Through Christ I have been strengthened. There are still days when I feel so much smaller than the task at hand.

I want to thrive & not simply survive. I want to find joy in all things. I want to invite others to Christ to share in that joy & eternal life.

I want to love & serve & accomplish all my goals, dreams & aspirations and help others to do the same.

My heart aches like I didn't know possible.

It was a wonderful weekend in Washington--don't get me wrong--I love everyone I saw there. Wonderful reunions, the most beautiful sealing (LDS wedding, being sealed for time & all eternity) I've ever been to. Great teaching opportunities--even to those offering me a stiff drink ;) A letter from Autumn that will always make my heart rejoice in the service I offer as a missionary--makes me so grateful to have followed the impression to 'run' that day in May...The most thoughtful message from Emma half way across the world, a truly inspired email from one of my greatest role models in Spokane, another one from someone I love very dearly there as well, one of appreciation from a friend in my ward, a text message from a friend who couldn't have known the tears I've shed today, a phone call from a friend last night who had no obligation to call--she just cared, dinner with my mom @ Scott's favorite restaurant, FHE with good people, a new baby on the way, an incredible education here @ BYU, sunshine, an impression to share part of my story at a meeting in Republic & finding out someone had lost her child to suicide & longed for resources...

For my finance class, we've been challenged to get our lives in order (not that this a new... the scriptures & prophets have extended this challenge since the begining of time...maybe I am just a little more receptive & willing now...) important documents, pictures, titles etc. I have an old laptop that is full of pictures of the last 4 years of Scott's life--I haven't touched it since he died. And I've started sorting through and backing them up, as well as important documents like the letter from President Hinckley after Scott died... things I haven't wanted to face for 2 1/2years--and it hurts. I only made it through about a quarter-->Pain.
Looking back at memories too new to be dim, and yet light years away. I look at pictures from a time when I didn't know the true meaning of loss. Such innocence, such ignorance, such an immature understanding of life and love and loss. I look back at pictures from Europe, Lake Powell, kids birthdays, Jazz games--and realize that I didn't have clue what was most important. I was so busy living my life--attending BYU, teaching in the MTC, working at Magelby's, Relief Society--and some of the memories that mean the most are the times I spent watching an NBA game or local parade with someone I love, now gone for a time.

And yes... you may think I sound like a broken record... sometimes I feel just that...broken. Elder Jeffrey R. Holland offered a talk entitled 'Broken Things to Mend" and in it he relays an invitation from Jesus Christ to, “Trust me, learn of me, do what I do. Then, when you walk where I am going,” He says, “we can talk about where you are going, and the problems you face and the troubles you have. If you will follow me, I will lead you out of darkness,” He promises. “I will give you answers to your prayers. I will give you rest to your souls.” I am attempting to exercise active faith in this promise. To continue studying. To put one foot in front of the other as I strive to walk in the paths that Christ has shown & become more like Him, to cultivate greater faith, hope, charity & love.

It doesn't mean that life is easy, or that I don't struggle. It simply means that I have a frame of reference for and a desire to "choose the better part."

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Gratitude for the 'Ordinary Miracles' in My Life...

"It’s not that unusual
When everything is beautiful.
It’s just another ordinary miracle today.

The sky knows when its time to snow,
Don’t need to teach a seed to grow.
It’s just another ordinary miracle today.

Life is like a gift they say
Wrapped up for you everyday;
Open up and find a way
To give some of your own.

Isn’t it remarkable?
Like every time a rain drop falls,
It’s just another ordinary miracle today.

Birds in winter have their fling
But always make it home by spring.
It’s just another ordinary miracle today.

When you wake up everyday
Please don’t throw your dreams away;
Hold them close to your heart
Cause we’re all a part
Of the ordinary miracle.
Ordinary miracle

Do you want to see a miracle?
ohh ohh ohh, ohhh ohh ohh...

It seems so exceptional
That things just work out after all.
It’s just another ordinary miracle today.

Sun comes up and shines so bright
And disappears again at night.
It’s just another ordinary miracle today.
ohh ohh ohh, ohh ohhh ohh...
It’s just another ordinary miracle today"
--Sarah McLachlan

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Emotions

"By starving emotions we become humorless, rigid & stereotyped;
by repressing them we become literal, reformatory & holier-than-thou;
when encouraged, they perfume life;
discouraged, they poison it."
--Joseph Collins

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

And... I love & Appreciate Elder Jeffrey R. Holland

Honestly, I should be a little embarassed considering his devotional speech today was like my personal counseling/rebuke session from the Lord... Ok, maybe it just felt that way--I love the spirit of God that can carry the message into the inner sinews of my soul.

I guess you could say I tend to be quite stiffnecked at times and take the truth to be hard. Hard, yes--impossible, no. I adhered to his words of wisdom today--even though at times it felt as though my heart was going to fall from my chest, break open & bleed.

The best truly is yet to come & I need to stop living in the past & trust that the Lord has even better things in store for the future--right in front of me in fact.

Talking to Christianne last night I was looking everywhere for something in particular--and I was so frustrated looking for it--that I kept moving it as I looked deeper... A few months back I was praying for an answer from the Lord on how to move forward--and it was right in front of me (only forgotten until 2 nights ago as I prayed). AND I really used to like these mint brussel cookies (in Florida--I think everything tastes better with a beach!) And, Christi gave me some mint Milanos for Christmas--a few bags in fact--thinking I liked the other ones way better I gave her most of them and didn't even try one until tonight--it was really good. Why three random stories?!? What do they have in common? An area I can improve. Why do I get so bent on what I think I like, or the best I've tried--that I fail to try other things--with the possibility that I may like them even more?!? Why do I insist on knowing best--when sometimes I look right beyond the mark?

I am learning from the teachings of Isaih, that the Lord really does make them plain & easy to understand when filled with the spirit of prophecy--and all too often I am filled with the spirit of 'Ashley thinks she knows best..."

There are so many things that I could talk about today--but I am really tired and when my alarm goes off in 4.5 hours i will be glad that I cut this short :)

But today--like so many days the Lord's hand has been so prevelant that I don't want to overlook it.

*The Sunshine.
*Waking up without an alarm
*Yoga!
*prayer & meditation
*incredibly beautiful Mt. Timp--on the way to school breaking through the clouds!
*I am hiking it this year!
*Studying the teaching of Isaiah
*Apostasy v. Apathy: agreement w/ Bro. Terry Ball
*gratitude for Christ for fulfilling the law of Moses, & respect for the devote Jews who still live the whole law of Moses.
*BYU devotional w/ Elder Jeffrey R. Holland--WOW!
*w/ an amazing friend!
*Seeing a quality old friend who shares my passion to study in the Holy Land.
*Walking on the bridge from campus & knowing I have a reason to be here--but wondering how many people were simply going through the motions because everyone around them was moving...
*Having the conviction to protect my heart from mistreatment
*The feeling that the opposition is the strongest to keep me from moving forward because the Lord is going to bless beyond what I can now imagine--& already is!
*Having my eyes opened to the way things really are
*Cooking a good meal :) I love to cook!
*"I don't think there are any people left here that are as old as we are..." :O
*a message from a good friend from 10,000+ miles away
*Costco & back--in 35 minutes
*dinner group with wonderful people--who were so appreciative! Love them!
*Melissa's dry sense of humor coupled with her very sincere heart!
*Cran Raspberry juice--I love a glass of juice @ the end of a long day :)
--Would that make me a wannabe wine drinker..? Nah...I'll take the juice.
*A holiday next Monday--spent with people I love SO much!
*very understanding clients & friends!
*Studying!
*Studying finance--it goes in a category all it's own--but i'm actually grasping it, applying it, loving it, and changing as a result of what I'm learning!
*Allowing the Lord to make weak things strong by study & also by faith
*The invitation to sing w/a good friend @ a banquet
*The invitation to sing in church--ahh careful what apportunities you ask for
-->it's that 'Costco sized bottle of self-confidence' again!
*moving forward without looking back
*a good roommate & friend willing to listen after a long day
*The opportunity to visit my mission & attend a best friend's sealing--shh don't tell her :) it's a surprise.
*Sharing the gospel with a friend
*the imagery of Brian throwing dry erase markers--still in shock :)
*"it's because I have a Y chromosome..."
*just laughing & unwinding after a REALLY long day.
*Mint Milanos from Christi--and I think I even like 'em--whoa!
*pure joy at the thought of Brad & Abby having a baby this week!
*my niece emailing me throughout the week--she just got her own email address--she is SO smart!

*AND my amazingly inviting bed--compliments of mia Mamma & Brabby's awesome Christmas gifts! Thanks guys :) Love you all!

There are so many more--but I am going to crash!

'Turning the Hearts of the Fathers to the Children..."

"In which [ways do] religious beliefs, practices, and community support help turn the hearts of fathers to their children?

An interesting thought to ponder as I seek to better understand God as my Heavenly Father, as I contemplate the effects of family of origin in my life, and decide how I will move forward in my own life. (An aside: I also have the blessing of watching my brother become a father this week, and remembering the joys of watching Scott love his children.)

I appreciate that Dollahite likens this dichotomy to Dickens' "it was the best of times, it was the worst of times..." which goes on to say "it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief..."


"for a substantial minority of Americans, religion is reportedly “the single most important influence in [life]... people who attend worship services more than once a week live 7.6 years longer than non attenders...Since religious involvement affects mental and physical health in measurable ways, might it not also affect relational health—particularly family relationships?" Dollahite works with the following beliefs" (a) a child is a gift from heaven, (b) fathers are accountable to God, and (c) fathering should reflect God and His attributes." Dollahite goes on to say "faith community involvement is more than nominal affiliation with a religious group or what some participants called “pew warming” (e.g., occasional attendance with minimal contribution to the faith community). [*interesting correlation to devotional thought--going through the motions...walking across the bridge with Jordan from the BYU devotional w/ Elder Jeffery R. Holland.]

And a few random thoughts:
"There’s a term in Judaism called tikkun olam. Loosely translated, it means to heal the world."
Regarding teaching children: "they teach us more than we teach them"
"Prayer in Arabic is called salah. What does salah mean? It means connection;
it is your time to connect with God."
A Challenge: "We need a vision of how to establish deep, generative, sacred relationships with our children and those of their generation, particularly
those who lack involved fathers."

"Faith points a different direction than [selfishness and “the world”]. Faith
gives you the patience to spend the time and the energy [your child needs] . . . and a lot of that is one-on-one time. Faith drives you to be involved [with your child] and [to] live outside yourself, to live beyond yourself.

In other words, faith turns the heart of the father to his child."

What do you think? What role do religious belief, practices & community involvement have in turning the hearts of the children to their fathers?

Monday, January 12, 2009

Sometimes I Wish God Didn't Trust Me So Much...

"I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish that He didn't trust me so much." --Mother Teresa.

By no means do I call myself Mother Teresa, or even assert that we stand in the same forum, but the aforementioned quote & some experiences from today caused me to think as I attempted to fall asleep & as is typical when I think--I toss & turn & sleep escapes me until I do something about the thoughts running rampant through my mind...

Today was not a good day. I was frustrated by the actions of a loved one--and just plain saddened feeling the void where once love & trust flourished in my relationship with Jason, & I now understand how it feels to have loved, trusted, invested, dreamt--and lost. All due to the agency, and I assert: fear, of another.

BUT--I know from experience that the greatest thing I can do when I want to pull my covers over my head and isolate--is to get up, hit my knees & then with my feet in solid footing & trust unwaveringly placed in Jesus Christ--go to work. Or, as the day may have it--go to church. AND today, church felt like work. Smiling, accepting social engagements, dates & working through painful memories--deciding how to move forward, deciding that because love is a choice--I choose to no longer love him--not in a malicious way--but in a way that frees myself from the bondage of a now an unhealthy relationship.

It has always been hard for me to let go of those I love--whether their choices be good or bad--whether it be from a parental divorce, a familial suicide, addiction--many of the experiences in my life have reinforced the destructive thinking that "if I'm better it would be different." But in this case in particular--that is purely fallacious. And I refuse to let it draw upon my past, or elicit feelings of failure. God knows me, He loves me, He has a plan for me & apparently He trusts me--far more than I would like at times.

Feeling the effects of a highly emotional day--I returned from church just wanting to climb in bed--but--with an impression to get on facebook--yes--once again--the faceless mechanism proves useful, the blessed opposition of all things. There was a message from someone I don't know in a region of the world I'd never even heard of (I will change the name to protect the identity the individual.) The message was as follows:

'hi sorry to bother you but what is the latter day saints all about and what is the meaning and what does it entail etc if you have time please write back with some information thanks x'

I'll be honest--I pray daily that the Lord will fulfil his promise in Preach My Gospel and lead me to those ready for the truth, or lead them to me--and He does. But today? Of all days? Can't I just have a crappy day? Can't I cry over broken promises & halted dreams? Can't my heart just be broken?

Of course it can be--that is what God asks: that we offer a broken heart & a contrite spirit. My heart has never been so broken. And from the ME origin contrite: worn down; crushed. My soul has never been so crushed. But how can this be a good thing? How can this be requisite to life eternal? Why is it that whom God loveth, He chasteneth? He knows my capacity to endure. He knows my potential? He knows my desire & ability to serve Him, but do I?

[From my personal study yesterday, 2 Nephi 2:6-8 "Wherefore, redemption cometh in & through the Holy Messiah; for he is full of grace & truth. Behold, he offereth himself a sacrifice for sin, to answer the ends of the law, unto all who have a broken heart & a contrite spirit; and unto none else can the ends of the law be answered. Wherefore, how great the importance to make these things known unto the inhabitants of the Earth..."]

As I looked at this individuals profile before responding, feelings of selfishness, betrayal & pain left as my aching soul became atuned to the needs of another. As I read the bits shared by this person & the enduring trials suffered--seeing his/her desire to know truth--I forgot about my pain and I longed for another to know the restored Gospel of Jesus Christ, in which I have found hope in Christ.

"Wherefore, whoso beleiveth in God might with surety hope for a better world, yea, even a place at the right hand of God, which hope cometh of faith, maketh an anchor to the souls of men, which would make them sure and steadfast, always abounding in good works, being led to glorify God."

I thought back to when I was 18 years old & my best friend asked if I knew that God loved me. I didn't know? I didn't know God. I had created from the father in my life a God that was a hard handed & punitive, a God who out of neglect or oversight allowed us to suffer. How else does a child understand that God can love them, and allow abuse, tragedy or heartache?

Through the restored gospel of Jesus Christ. That teaches God's unending & perfect love for us. It illustrates agency, or the capacity God has given that we might think & act for ourselves, it depicts opposition in all things that we might know joy & sorrow alike--but that with that frame of reference & increased understanding we might choose the better part. That through our actions, we may learn, grow & return to live with our Father in Heaven. I ultimately desire to be like my Heavenly Father & His son Jesus Christ--knowing that Christ suffered all things--I do not expect a life of ease & complacency to pave my way back home; rather, as I have learned--as I take a few steps along the path my Savior walked, I learn to help another, and in so doing I learn of Him.

I know that God lives. That Jesus Christ is my Savior, my Redeemer, my Counselor, my example, my older brother, & my best friend. Through His life, death, & teachings I can overcome all my weaknesses, even sin & death & live with all those I love who choose to do the same--in the presence of God--to enjoy never-ending happiness--and I know God will fulfill these promises.


****************************************************************
And... if you're interested in my response, it was not the above late night ramble. A few things have been changed to protect anonymity:

Hi,

No bother at all.
I am actually just returning home from Sunday church meetings and had kind of a rough morning, so the chance to focus on something good and share it with you is very welcome--thank you.

Your questions make me smile because I remember wondering those same things not too many years ago when my life had no direction, I didn't know which way was up and i really felt overwhelmed by depression, anxiety & loss. A friends mother suggested I read the Book of Mormon & told me that if I lived by it's teachings I would be happy--and she was right--I still have some rough times--but in general my life is entirely different because of the teachings of Jesus Christ I found in that book, that also confirmed those in the Bible, and that let me know that God loves me as much as he did the people anciently.

Are you Christian? Any religious beliefs? Any particular reason you are wondering about the latter-day saints? [you don't have to answer any of those unless you want to, just trying to get to know you & where you are coming from.]

It is called the church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints--because it is Christ's church just as when he was on the Earth, only it has been re-established later, ie the latter-days.

The main belief is that God loves us, and is aware of us, even as our father in heaven, that he knew life would be hard but that we would learn and grown & gain a body by coming here--so not wanting us to fail or give up--He provided Jesus Christ to be our Savior, example & to establish a church to provide hope, guidance, and the power to overcome sin, death, discouragement & even depression. That through faith, prayer, repentance, baptism, the gift of the Holy Ghost, and enduring in faith--we can return to live with God again & find peace & happiness along the way.

I still don't understand all these things perfectly, and I still have hard days--like today--but had I not found these truths, something to put life into perspective, I wouldn't still be alive.

The following link may be helpful as well:
http://www.mormon.org/mormonorg/eng/

as well as the Book of Mormon I was telling you about:
http://scriptures.lds.org/

I invite you to read the Book of Mormon, and ask God if it is true. As you do so you will receive guidance & feel the love & awareness of God.

There are awesome church representatives that teach people full-time about these things and I am sure would love to answer your questions--and I'm always here as well.

Truthfully, this really helped me to look beyond my own hard times today and remember all the good blessings that have come into my life.

Thank you for asking.
I pray you find what you were looking for--we're all in this life to help each other.

Ashley

**************************************************************
Also altered for anonymity:

hi ashley i was just woundering about your belives as i donts really follow any religion but i feel i have lost my way in life and feel like a lost soul,

i have suffered from depression..and i am still finding hard to cope with some days i am fine and feel on top of the world and invinsable but other i feel like i just want the ground to open up and take me in i also suffer with panic attacks and anxitiy but i think that just comes with the deppression and i would just love to find my way in life feel like im being pulled back at the momment but dont know what by.

i hope you keep well thank you for your advice...i have a feeling you are an insperation to many people in your area.

****************************************************************
God is wonderful & He truly knows & loves us. He knew that I needed the opportunity to share my faith with another so as to strengthen my own convictions, to affirm His love & trust & awareness of me & in so doing help another along the way. The Gospel of Jesus Christ is joy, happiness, love & the ability to overcome all interwoven with our 'personally tailored trials' of mortality.

It reminds me of the following the lyrics by Josh Groban:

"Thankful"
"Somedays we forget
To look around us
Somedays we can't see
The joy that surrounds us
So caught up inside ourselves
We take when we should give.

So for tonight we pray for
What we know can be.
And on this day we hope for
What we still can't see.
It's up to us to be the change
And even though we all can still do more
There's so much to be thankful for.

Look beyond ourselves
There's so much sorrow
It's way too late to say
I'll cry tomorrow
Each of us must find our truth
It's so long overdue

So for tonight we pray for
What we know can be
And every day we hope for
What we still can't see
It's up to us to be the change
And even though we all can still do more
There's so much to be thankful for.

Even with our differences
There is a place we're all connected
Each of us can find each other's light

So for tonight we pray for
What we know can be
And on this day we hope for
What we still can't see
It's up to us to be the change
And even though this world needs so much more

There's so much to be thankful for."

Sunday, January 11, 2009

Lovin' Little Cottonwood...

Really, I mean what isn't to love? Steepest terrain in North America, skiing with the best of the best, knee deep powder--thanks to the Lake effect & lowest water content--making it just like powdered sugar... I must agree with Brigham Young when he said, "this is the place!"