My Love Hate Relationship with the Y

Why? Well, a couple of reasons... I have been running more and enjoying the sunshine rather than the gym. Today I was going for a short 2-3mi run when I ran into a really good old friend--Love you Camille! It gave me a second wind, so I headed north and ran a few sets of stairs, then ran back home still wasn't tired and decided that since the Jerusalem packet instructs us that we should be in good enough physical shape to run (I think it may actually have said walk...) to the Y and back 2-3 times a day so that we are ready for our excursions... I decided that sounds like a great goal to add into marathon training... but I also learned that there is a reason that God gives us little by little, line upon line... my 2-4 miles runs had not prepared me to run to the Y from my house, after a normal 'shlog.' It's like Sam relating it to spiritual conversion and consistency--just because I used to run miles on the beach or run to the Y long before that--today was a great reminder that I am no longer at sea level...or 21 years old. I also learned that(ok, maybe it was more like reinforced...) but I can be kind of strong willed/stubborn at times. I don't like switch backs... so I ran up 7th East until it ran into the mountain and then I ran straight up the mountain... I loved the run, even saw a few good friends... but I think body may hate me in the morning... especially when I am back on the mountain!

But don't get me wrong... It was absolutely beautiful... and I was able to clear my mind very well (I think all cerebral capacities and physical energies were directed toward enabling my lungs to function :)And it even helped to even out the missionary-tan-looking mess I had from studying outside yesterday!

I remember now why I love running... and we'll see how I feel about it when my alarm rings at 5:30a... I say as I climb into bed!

A Bright New Day!!!

I was just notified that this photo "Enduring Hope" is being published by photo laureates, in the Best of year anthology. That's exciting. I've always wanted to pursue photography and haven't ever had the courage in myself or my work to do so...I'd like to thank my family and Christianne for not only hanging my artwork--but for giving it as gifts :) It is pretty encouraging when you see it in 15 different houses.

And I have decided to go with number 9, shot @ Lake Powell the only trip I've gone since my brother died--It was take at 6am on Syndey (His 5yr old little girls) birthday.Possible titles... Still open to suggestions...
"Sydney's Sunrise"
"Out of Darkness"
"Into the Light"
"The Sun Will Rise"
"The Hope of a New Day"
...Any thoughts?

*Some other wonderful things of the day:
*Singing Joseph Smith's First Prayer in the BYU Devotional and contemplating the importance of the restored gospel [good news] of Jesus Christ in my life.
*A great devotional address that helped me with things on my mind
*Beautiful green eyes so I can wear whatever I want on St. Patty's day!
*An incredibly beautiful day!
*Olivia Jayne's baby blessing (Sunday)*Abby's parents farewell
*An awesome relationship with my brothers--I have missed them!
*Being able to talk to Stephanie--for hours and hours and hours!!! Literally :)
*And for my favs that make that possible!
*Brian's friendship & talking with him about the gospel
*A feeling that I am where the Lord wants me.
*Chocolate shakes from Costco--partially frozen Mmmm!
*Waking up feeling less anxious for the first time in years today.
*One of the sweet young women in Florida reconnecting!
*Stopping by the BYU Jerusalem office--having the director not only remember me, hand me an application, ask me to come and say there's no way she could forget a countenance as bright as mine.
*Feeling such gratitude that my life didn't turn out the way I'd hoped this year.
*Learning who I am in the context of dating good men
*a very high compliment from a man & friend I look up to very much
*A long distance run yesterday
*Running into and helping a friend yesterday who is struggling
*Feeling hope
*Stephy singing on my voicemail--and laughing out loud in choir (yesterday)
*Stephy watching up on BYU-TV
*Nikki's texts :)
*The good friends I have made in choir
*Not falling back into the arms of my ex yesterday...
*Feeling the peace and joy from accomplishment
*Looking & feeling beautiful today
*The crocuses that were breaking through the ground
*My cactus that is loving it's new transplant to a larger pot
*Seeing Ashley today
*Not getting a parking ticket for parking in the Marriot Center--I have a permit they were going to mail it--I just haven't gotten it...(I put a note to the parking man on my windshield :) God loves me!
*Finding the books on Amazon that I've wanted... for $1.49
*A desire to develop my talents and a feeling of my self-worth
*The speaker addressing and validating long-lasting trials
*A good night of restful sleep
*Delicious leftovers from Sunday--our family can cook!
*That feeling and love of life coming back that I had lost for a time.
*The capacity to help others because of that pain I've experienced
*losing fake friends on facebook & maintaining sincere relationships
*THE LORD'S HAND IN MY LIFE... even if at times it is guiding me down a path I hadn't thought with initial promptings... I love the Lord!!!
*Emma's love of the Book of Mormon.
*Knowing that Brad (and Scott) are happy for me to be singing and creating artwork!

The feeling that as I accomplish things that are hard for me--and way outside my comfort zone I grow more confident in the Lord's capacity to enable me t great things far beyond my natural strength and that I believe in myself and attain divine confidence as I learn of and trust in Him--like publishing my artwork, or singing (between a solo with the choir in church, and in the BYU devotional... I may even work up to and have the confidence for Women's chorus :)

*My only slight annoyance was that I couldn't take notes in the devotional because we were singing... it was really hard for me. But I knew I could look it up, or hope that someone would take them for me!

Sorry I feel like this is a little scatter-brained, or like those nights in the mission I only had 3 minutes in order to obey the schedule--and bullet points had to suffice!

How much have you changed in 15 years?

****15 YEARS AGO (1994)****
1) Age? 10-11
2) Dating? What was that? oh... maybe the Oak Lane boys...?
3) Work? Crist,Cathcart & Peterson; a few paper routes
4) Residence? Bountiful Utah
5) Hang out? Bigelows, Grandma Spikers, School, anywhere but home.
6) Contacts/glasses? yes, but only to be cool like Diane Cutler :)
7) Best friends? Enu, Scott, Brad, Grandma Spiker, Emily, Riley, Spencer.
8) Tattoos? 0--Will never have a tattoo.
9) Piercings? 1-Ears
10) Car? in my dreams...
11) Religious? no
12) Heart broken? yes.
13) Single/taken/Married/Divorced? single
14) Kids? I was one
15) School? Oak Hills Eagles! Go fight Win! Perfect attendance, NHS, 4.0, perfect PSAT, Student council, won the read-a-thon, & Jump for life...big fan of school.
16) Drugs/alcohol? What's that?
17) Family? 3 older brothers. parents separated. I really missed my brother when he was in Japan.
18) Hobbies? reading. trying to be cool like my brothers. Water skiing, snow-skiing, painting, singing, basketball, soccer, writing...
19) Service? student council
20) Of note: innocent ignorance is bliss.

***10 YEARS AGO (1999)***
1) Age? 15-16
2) Dating? Brandon
3) Work? Christopher's, Cafe Alicia, CC&P, Christmas Cottage, Dee's Trees warehouse
4) Residence? Bountiful--Bigelows/anywhere that would take me...
5) Hang out? Snowbird, Alta, Lake Powell, Friends
6) Contacts/glasses? no
7) Best friends? Brandon & Family, Jeff & Family, Matt, Devin, Cole & Family, John, Riley, Tony, Scott, Brad, Matt, Emily & Family,
9) Piercings? 2 In My Ears
10) Car? Dodge Shadow--Teal--the color of gangrene baby!
11) religious? Starting to be. Diane Lake challenged me to read the Book of Mormon, live by it's teachings and said I would be happy...
12) Heart broken? Over & over again baby.
13) Single/Dating/Taken/Married/Divorced? taken.
14) Kids? no thanks.
15) School? not that I remember. But I did get voted least likely to graduate...
16) Drugs/ Alcohol? I wished at times...
17) Family? Loved/ looked to my brothers. Parents divorced.
18) Hobbies? Skiing. Writing. Surviving.
19) Service? Please...
20) Of Note: still alive

***5 YEARS AGO (2004)***
1) Age? 21-22
2) Dating? no--I was a missionary for the LDS church
3) Work? Missionary work baby!!! Spokane Washington, Republic Washington, British Columbia, Cheney Washington
4) Residence? All over the place
5) Hang out? I was there to work & teach, there was no hanging out.
6) Contacts and/or glasses? no
7) Best friends? Roadhouse, Staiger, Coleman, Crist (Kaila), Talley, Sayer, Ludlow's, Grimsrud's, Jorgensen's, Roger's, Beans/Klotz, Bond's, Brad, Scott, Sydney, Stockton.
9)How many piercings did you have? 1 In My Ears (c'mon the prophet said so...)
10) Car? Corolla, Dodge or bike :)
11) Religious? Yes. Exactly obedient with an immature understanding of the gospel, but a desire to do what the Lord's will.
12) Heart broken? My heart was no longer open to being broken it was locked...
13) Single/Taken/Married/Divorced? Unavailable.
14) Kids? no
15) School? Deferment from BYU to serve. Studied VA in Europe... unsure...
16) Drug/alcohol? Not a chance.
17) Family? Letter writing was great! Cutest niece & nephew new to the family! Dad remarried, 4 or 5 step-siblings.
18) Hobbies? In mission field: planning, listening, teaching, tracting, singing, letters, eating, service. (not in mission field: Cooking, skiing, snow-mobiling, water-skiing, wakeboarding, hiking, biking, camping, photography, singing, back-packing, basketball, soccer, painting, writing,
19) Service? Sharing the gospel, temple work, family history, community service.
20) of note: my organs got paralized in my last area as a missionary.

****2006*****************************************************************
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---------------------------------------------------------------breathing.
20) of note: BYU student, MTC teacher, Relief Society Pres, got hit by a temple worker while jogging, got stalked by a BYU student who received revelation to marry me, and my brother died--that was a rough month. but I'm still breathing.

****TODAY (2009)****
1) Age? 26
2) Work? Self-employed L.M.T.
3) Residence? Back in Provo...
5) Best friends? Jesus Christ. Christi, Steph, Kim, Brad, Mom, Staiger, cactus.
6) Do you talk to your old friends? Yes.
7) Piercings? ears
9) Car? 2007 Toyota Corolla, manual, Florida :) plates
10) Heart broken? It's in repair... but stronger than ever before
11) Religious? My immature & untried faith was not sufficient for the trials of 2006, and after much work & cultivation I can again say that I know of a surety that Jesus Christ is my Savior & has infinite power to enable me to endure anything.
12) Kids? none, but I've been a nanny & love my nieces & nephew
13) Single/Dating/Taken/Married/Divorce? Dating 2-3x's/day on occasion.
14) Contacts/Glasses? glasses but only for a stigmatism--I have 20x7 vision... that's right... I could be a fighter pilot.
15) School? A degree in massage therapy, back to finish up BYU, planning to attend BYU-Jerusalem.
16) Drugs/alcohol? There were times I wanted to as an escape the pain of the past few years, but through the example of a good friend fighting to maintain sobriety, and having lost my brother to drugs & alcohol & by the mercy & deliverance of Jesus Christ I choose not to.
17) Family? Good healthy relationships with my mom, 2 brothers + wives & niece. I miss my brother who died & his kids every day. Have severed all abusive ties. Am planning/preparing/studying for the ideal LDS marriage & family--And with God's help--I will attain it.
18) Hobbies? Breathing, cooking, skiing, thinking, teaching, journaling, water-skiing, wakeboarding, hiking, biking, camping, photography, singing, talking, back-packing, basketball, soccer, painting, writing, crying, reading, sleeping, blogging, traveling, sky-diving, surfing, kite-surfing, laying on the beach, cleaning.
19) Service? Sharing the gospel, AFSP, big sisters, RS, temple, family history, simple acts of kindness, saying thank you, reaching out.
20) Of note: I know God, who I am & what's most important in life. Trial & loss provide a forum conducive to learning those things if we so choose.

The Blessings of the Temple...

"The Publicity Dilemma - LDS Newsroom
Source: newsroom.lds.org
SALT LAKE CITY 9 March 2009 Like other large faith groups, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints sometimes finds itself on the receiving end of attention from Hollywood or Broadway, television series or books, and the news media. ..."

For all those inviting to random groups & boycotts I've chosen to do as exemplified by the church & focus on my own life & aims and "determine [my] own course as [I] continue to preach the restored gospel of Jesus Christ throughout the world."

It's not in avoidance of conflict; rather, I just know the good that the teachings of the gospel of Jesus Christ have brought into my life & I'd rather share those things than waste my time in debate of a television series that in bad taste has chosen to disparage Latter-day Saints.

Additionally, one of the greatest blessings of the gospel of Jesus Christ is agency-the right to act & think for ourselves. While good decisions produce peace & clarity, no one is forced to choose one way or another. I just know for me the best thing I can do is live my life according to rigtheous principles and allow others to decide for themselves. A good guide I've found on whether or not something is good is if it brings me closer to God & helps others.

The link above has a clip on "Why Mormons Build Temples" which I found very enlightening.

Reflections

Thanks so much!!! You've helped me to narrow the first round before submission (March 31st) on the subject of reflections...now please comment and leave your top choice, and why it is your top choice.

*And yes, the numbering is intentionally non-sequitur so they match the results of the first round as well.
#1
#2
#3
#4
#6
#7
#8
#9
#10
#13
#15
#18
#22
#23
#24
#25
#26
#27
#28

The Things I Love About Provo...

The sunrises over Y-mountain and light radiating through my window to wake me up.
The view of Timp in the twilight as the sun sets over Utah Lake.
The old man who plays the accordion at Ottavios.
The sweet woman that lives across the street from our apartment.
The family next door that speaks almost no English.
The fact that I am only an hour flight from Steph & Kim,
and a 4 hour drive (if you don't get lost ;) to Christianne.
The young mother who brings her little girl over to play with the rocks in our rock garden.
The date nights I go on with my mother & that she isn't far away.
The surprises that she doesn't need to send home with me--but that I always look forward to :)
The Utah Symphony & it's outdoor performances @ Sundance & in Park City.
The family dinners in PC or @ Benihana or Market Street.
The chicken nuggets @ Chick-fil-a w/Brad & the kids (I love that I think of Brad as much or more than the kids when I go there :)
The learning opportunities Friday morning on our temple shift--I love President & Sister Bateman & Hicken (and I can't remember the other's name....)
The Incredible young women I serve with there.
The just as incredible mothers & grandmothers I serve there with.
The fact that one of my best friends from high school lives next door with his wife and new baby and that I got to be the first baby sitter so they could go out.
The friendly mailman who forgets #1 is on the 3rd floor nearly every day.
The low cost of utilities.
The spirit in the Joseph Smith Building.
The fresh apples from Allreds and the kind woman who works there. And the homemade apple pies & crisps I make with them.
The fact that Gayle & her family moved here from my mission.
The hill that overlooks the city outside the honors building.
The Provo bakery.
The wall of Family & Book of Mormons in each language @ Magelbys. And Doc. I love him. And his rolls.
The statues that they saran wrap when we play the UoU.
The fact that I can bike to the lake, or just go sit and ponder there for hours.
The world-class skiing that is within minutes from my home.
The family owned & operated mexican restraunt--Mi Ranchito
The life-long friends I have met while here at BYU.
The service opportunities.
The smell of weekend campfires.
The laughter and familiarity of good friends and quality ward activities.
The modesty in dress and speech.
The BYU football & basketball games (love you Abby!)
The cleanliness of BYU's campus.
The spring & summers here.
The house that has Christmas lights up all year.
The Utah clean air act.
The Williams Sonoma store I like to wander through in Riverwoods.
The Children's story time at Borders--as much for me as my nieces & nephew :)
The signs on campus that remind us to "Enter to learn go forth to serve."
The fact that I have night and weekend & my favs so I can talk to Lindsay even though she no longer lives in Provo.
The new phone plan Christi is on.
The temple that is 5 minutes from my front door. (and the other 7 that are within an hour.)
The fall leaves on the mountains.
The 2nd largest family history library in the world.
The only J-dawgs in the world.
The view of the valley from the canyon.
The way the sun feels as it pours through my windshield when I park on the road just East of the temple.
The fact that there is a missionary training center here and the spirit that comes with it.
The excellent leadership I am surrounded by and have been: Bishop & Sister Briem, Bishop & Sister Hardy, Bishop & Sister Hunsaker, President Child, President Kearl, President Turley (I don't know their wives...)
The incredible religion classes here.
The musical talent here at BYU.
The stairs south of campus on a quiet short run morning.
The best ward choir & director ever! Love you Jess!
The path on the southside of campus.
The ducks that line the walkway to campus begging for food.
The setting sun that pours in our south-facing windows.
The Costco that is so close.
The fact that Jeri lives close. I love you.
The nice lady Linda that works at Costco.
The salads & guac @ Cafe Rio.
The happy little Zupas that makes me think of Steph & Nic.
The songs/hymns played from the bell tower.
The Tuesday devotionals.
The Ces Firesides.
The fact that I can say hello to anyone--and only about half of them look at me like I am crazy.
The nice lady at the BYU health clinic.
The returning clients I have.
The gym.
The BYU pool.
The courtyard in the Joseph Fielding Smith building.
The smell of the Earth cleansed by rain.
The clarity and pristine blue sky after it snows and clears out the inversion.
The fact that I prayed for the first time out loud here.
The school of family life & it's teachings that have literally changed my life.
The 20min drive to Brad & Abby & Mo's house & the spirit there.
The 60min drive to Matt & Laurie & 'the girls' house.
The crazy ice cream place I go with Sis. Staiger. the fact that I still call her Sis. Staiger.
The proximity of Pres. & Sis. Ludlow & the Grimsruds.
The cemetery that isn't far.
The smell of the pine trees when it rains.
The feeling of being snowed in.
The cleanliness of my house. And my room.
The people around me that are striving to live good, productive, service oriented lives.
The men that hold and live worthy of the power of God.
The best home-teachers I have ever had.
The EQP who actually cares about the people he serves, & tells me when I am acting ridiculous or need to question my assumptions.
The little flower shop by my house.
The opportunity to face my fears.
The quality resources all around me.
The healing/pain of returning.
The Museum of Art.
The aquariums in the bottom of the science buildings.
The library lockers.
The light pouring through the windows in the library on me when I study in my spot :)
The wildflowers along the Provo River trail.
The fact that classes are started with a prayer and taught by the Spirit.
The thoughts by Dr. I in finance class.
The sweet woman Nina from NYC, who owned the Pizza place that used to be by J-dawgs who invited us to dinner at her house.
The opportunity to be a part of conversions of friends from China, the Ukraine, Russia & Japan who are/were here studying.
The BYU LUAU.
The Passover services.
The Provo library.

Welcome Back Stephy!!!

I love Steph.

She's home.

Boise home that is.

Love her long time.

She is like my better half.