Orange and Blue: The Colors of Love

The colors of love. To win my heart, don't send me roses. To cause tears of joy, I don't want diamonds. If you'd like to see the constellations in my eyes bring me orange and blue.

No, I'm not a gators fan--although I do really love it here in Florida--and no, my love of orange and blue isn't a sign of endearment for Denver--

They symbolize love. Pure, unconditional, eternal.

Sydney loves Blue. Stockton loves Orange.
These are 2/3 of my favorite little people (the third may never have to learn to talk and tell us her favorite color because the others do all the talking for her ;)

Last year these little ones taught me about love. When I was serving people in Washington and teaching them about God on a "mission" I was away from home and I would write and say "I love you" Sydney learned quickly to repeat what I said and soon we had the following times 2!

"I love you,
I love you more,
I love you bunches and bunches and bunches!"

This became our favorite salutation, only it was incomplete. So when we went to Disneyland, we started to add on, I love you all the way to Disneyland, and then they went to Florida and we tagged that on the end, still our love is so much more than that.

Early last year I was driving south on 400 East on my way home from their "big house" in Farmington, and I felt very strongly to add on--"I love you all the way to Heaven."

We began to use it in the morning when we swept the sleepy sand from our eyes, in the day when we'd jump on the tramp, at the duck pond while Stockton ate the bread we got to feed the ducks, at night as we'd read stories and lay there counting to 100--backward, on the phone, in postcards, and especially when we shared our special hugs and kisses!

It spread like wildfire! After all, "Love begets love" (Orson Pratt).

Then, my brother died, and these little one lost their daddy for a time. He went back to be with God.

As I drove Sweet little Sydney to the store to buy a dress for the funeral--the nice lady at the store said--you're sure a pretty little girl, what are you looking for today? Sydney responded sweetly, "the prettiest blue princess dress, just like Cinderella" and kindly the woman said, "what's the occasion?" Sydney responded confidently, "my daddy died and went to Heaven, and blue is my favorite color, because you wanna know why? You know who else loves blue? It's my daddy's favorite color too, and I'm going to look just like a princess for him, Cinderella wears blue." So we got the most beautiful blue dresses for her and baby Samantha.

Then at the flower Shop, the nice woman asked what kind of flowers we wanted from the kids--and you didn't even have to listen to hear Stockton say "Owange bwecaws its mwy fawvorwite colow" and Birds of paradise were the ones we chose. And in order to let them say I love you one more time, we bought bunches of Orange and Blue balloons and then sent them up in the sky. Saying things like "I hope he gets it by morning," and "I miss you."

These colors symbolize so many things. A myriad of emotions. A thousand silent sobs, torrential tears, the violent void of separation, and the words I'll never forget as we said our goodbyes to my brother's lifeless body--I held his little princess Sydney up to say goodbye and leaning over to kiss her daddy's cheek, the words "Daddy, I love you all the way to Heaven."

There are no more beautiful words and colors in all of holy writ than those of love eternal. The pure love of a child. Love does not judge. It is kind. It does not change when someone moves to a new phase in life. It does not lie and tell you what you want to hear, love is truth.

If you do not know me--you can see from just a glance there are common threads that run through my life--they may appear as polar opposites--love and pain. Such are intrinsically linked. I have come to know more about love through pain and loss, and pain and loss through love, than I could have in any other way. There cannot be life without love. Without love, life has no beauty. The words I spoke to my brother his last day were "I love you, your children love you, and God loves you." All are true. I have learned that you can never go wrong with truth. Because of this I have suffered heart ache and abuse, manipulation and ridicule, grief and anguish, embarrassment and humility--but I know no regret. I have never gone wrong when I put my whole heart into something and make the decision to love. You may mock and say--well--you are 24 and single and the greatest desire of your heart is to love--to serve--to marry--to continue to cultivate that love as a wife and mother--

But love is selfless, it doesn't expect a reward or reciprocation. Love is gentle, love is sincere, love is a choice. If nothing more, I am so grateful to God that I've been allowed the opportunity to learn to love, and yes, to lose. With the orange and blue reality that love is a decision. I make the decision everyday to love and serve--and I am only in control over my decision to love. Recently when dating my best friend, he decided "[his] heart just [was]n't in it." I respect his choice. Our definitions/ideals of dating are very different. Mine is a mutual desire to spend time together, get to know one another better, learn about anothers hopes and dreams and fears, learn how to serve and support and cherish another person. Learn how to communicate feelings and establish boundaries and build interpersonal skills, I don't even think he knows what his are.

Not that I judge him for that, we have lived very different lives. Suffering loss--I have come to define love--while both love and loss have come to define me. Losing has strengthened my resolve to love, and loving has strengthened my resolve to live.

My love is not yet as pure and perfect as those who've shown me loves true colors, I can only hope to one day perfect my love through Christ. It is the opposition of these things that has softened my heart, made possible empathy, increased my understanding, and ultimately caused me to rely the only true source of perfect and eternal love.

“There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love." 1 Jn 4:18-19

"I love you,
I love you more,
I love you bunches and bunches and bunches,
I love you all the way to Disneywand,
I love you all the way to Fworida,
I love you all the way to Heaven."