Gratitude for the Quality People in my Life

I think I am surrounded by the highest quality people in the world.

For instance, this week was sad. I missed my brother and his family, I'm trying to figure out the million DOLLAR question "Ashley what are you doing with your life?" (Just a word to the wise--when a girl has tear-stained cheeks and looks sad and confused--please don't ask her what she is doing with her life.

If I knew...I'd probably be doing it.
(but until then I'll just keep walking in the right direction.)

Anyway, enough about being sad--while it is large part of my life lately--I want to focus on the happier part. So much of the good in my life is because of the incredible people God has placed around me. And for those of you that are reading this right now, no matter how long (or short) a time I've known you, regardless of the time that has passed since we've seen each other (or played a quality game of slaughter the overweight sister missionaries in basketball ;) despite the thousands of miles that separate us--I thank God each day that you are a part of my life.

A few examples:
First, there was a family in the last area of my mission--which was really only my 4th area,[apparently when your organs shut down and you have to go to the hospital and they think you are going to die--that isn't the most effective missionary condition to be in [please note the sarcastic tone]]. Back to this family--They are incredible! I don't think we taught them nearly as much as they taught us. Honestly, the love they have for each other and us--the time they spent doing stuff together, the sacrifices they made to go out and teach with us, to come visit in the hospital, to strengthen other families, to have community parties in the park and help us get the whole town there--they taught me SO much. And the cool thing was--they continued to care about me when I was sick and in Utah. The letters I got from them helped me to continue to live when the physical pain was so blinding I couldn't see straight and I didn't know if I would make it through the night. I remember one in particular from greatest girl ever--who thanked me for serving a mission and for "running down the road after them because of how she came to know God because of that." So why I bring this up--I haven't been nearly as good at staying in contact as frequently as I would like, and let's be honest, it is easier to stay in contact with people when you are happy and upbeat and feel like you have something to offer them. Sometimes life beats down so hard upon us that we begin to believe the lie that we don't have much to offer. The past 10 months have been like living in a personal concentration camp--only surrounded by people--and not feeling worthy of or able to connect with and love or accept love from anyone.

So 2 days ago i get an e-mail from the mother of this family--the most genuine, honest and loving person I know, who has been through more than I can imagine and has allowed it to make her better rather than bring her down-- how do you get an e-mail from someone like that--and still feel isolated, alone, and miserable? It's pretty hard--nearly impossible. It was just the reminder I needed that God was aware. Today in Relief Society (the women's organization) the teacher said: "when you are praying about something, if you don't get the answer, you will for sure still get the feeling that God heard you and is aware of you." And I can say I have prayed until my knees are bruised to find peace and consolation after losing my brother last year, and sometimes when the sadness is still there despite all I can do, and the problem doesn't go away, I can at least know that God hears me and is aware of me.

And then, just tonight I came home to an e-mail from that wonderful girl--who even after a rough week--was there to send me encouragement and to lift my spirit. Oh how I love you!

And then my phone rang Friday--and it was Sweet little Sydney McCale on the other end of the phone telling me of all the things new in her life and asking me to draw her pretty pictures and send her packages and reminding me how much she loves me, and then having Sammy say "ah-eee, ah-eee, ah-eee" there are no more beautiful words that anyone could have said to stir joy within my heart. Oh, but Stockton telling me how he is going to be all grown up and 4 years old and what he wants me to send him--that only compounded the joy a few hundred fold! I love them "all the way to heaven!"

Or the incredibly nice girl I met once in Miami who is seriously such a sweetheart--every time I see her it makes my day, and she comes up and gives me a hug--there are wonderful people everywhere! (and that makes up for the guy from Miami that forgot he knew me ;) But it made for a great and awkward back-peddling conversation for him!)

How about the sweet family from my mission that again, taught me far more than I could ever teach them--for instance I called them driving to the Orlando temple one day and commented on how it is 3 hours away--and she reminded me that they are about 3 1/2 hours away from Spokane and how they are temple workers there on Saturdays--such love and devotion--and then reminded me that still 3 years after serving in their area, they pray for me and my family daily, I love you!

How about the old college roommate who just happens to know when I could use the perfect crazy BYU social story and can still make me laugh like it's 3 am on a road trip--and can help me to see the sunshine in just about any situation? SMRT!

Or the woman in my ward who just happened to feel that she needed to call and ask me to watch her kids so she and her husband could go out and celebrate their 10th anniversary, that fell on the 10m anniversary of my brother's death. It was the perfect opportunity to look beyond myself. When I go there the first sentence out of the little boys mouth was (as I was holding his baby sister) "you wanna know when her birthday is? It is July 3rd 2006." Such a simple and loving reminder from a Father in Heaven that knows me. After all, who can keep feeling miserable when they are rocking a baby to sleep?

Next example: Have you ever met the kind of man you see in church videos and in the family commercials, you imagine they exist, but you're not really sure where they exist? I would just like to say that for the past week I have been surrounded by them. An old friend from college-who was an actual true friend when I most needed one--he and his cousin just happened into my life at a time of pure bleakness and despair. They are the epitome of chivalry. Their mothers ought to be pleased. In 3 days they had reminded me not only that good in men exist, but because of the loving kindness and respect they exhibited, reminded me that there was something valuable, even Divine left in me also, they made me not only want to be better, but to feel better about who I am. I learned more in 3 days about the Christ-like attributes of men holding the priesthood, who honor women than I have in my entire life, and in any various church or community position I have held. You know, the kind of man that not only makes you laugh while you are with him, but calls to make sure you make it home safely--I didn't know they existed.

Since then, it seems as though I am surrounded by good people, and maybe I am just more aware of them. The sweet little man James who lives in my building walked all the way back across the parking lot just to hold the door for me after I'd been to Costco, and then walked all the way back to his car and drove away--note:to walk across the parking lot is not an easy task for some of these adorable elderly people. How about Lehia, the Spanish woman who lives next door who doesn't speak a lick of English and came over to help me carry the ridiculous amount of books I took to institute on Wednesday? Or the quality guys recently returned from serving God full-time as missionaries that are in my stake--the ones that have chosen to retain the good habits they developed over the past 2 years--the ones who make me want to be better and serve more.

Or my friend who even though she is struggling, she calls and texts and stays in contact even when she feels she is merely surviving. It takes a true friend to look beyond personal pain and help another who is hurting.

In the Newsweek blog on Mormonism this week--I testified that to end the contention and debate all we need to do is to ask God to know for ourselves. A very bitter and antagonistic man who called himself RBC, told me that maybe I should do some research before bothering my creator with such a petition. I told him thank you, but that I would stick to studying the scriptures and communicating with God. He proceeded to tell me that long ago there was a young child who needed help with homework problems and her parents were busy and she she began to ask the neighbor--who helped her for weeks--the parents found out and were mortified--the neighbor was Albert Einstein and very well-qualified to help the child.

At the time, the man was likening himself to Einstein and me to the child--I'll be the child, I'm fine with that, I have very limited knowledge compared to many, and his story didn't really ring truth in me, because even if he was Einstein, I am not going to take his opinion on the matter of such great importance as God and His Gospel when I can just ask God and have been promised that by the power of the Holy Ghost I can know the truth of all things--I have already gained a testimony that the gospel has been restored. Where this man's story has impacted me is in looking back over the past week--the hardest one I have lived thus far, and to see that while I was praying to God that I might find peace and comfort--he was reaching out by the hands and hearts, and letters of nearly every individual that I came in contact with. So I guess when I ask God for help with my problems and my trials here in mortality, I need to be more aware of the enabling power that comes through those that love and serve and are trying to be like Jesus.

There are really no words to express how grateful I am for the quality people the Lord has placed around me. I realized this week that although the opposition and trials are great, I cannot fall, because I am surrounded on every side by good people. And if you are reading this--I just want you to know of my love and thanks!